To people who have just met me, it might seem that everything I have done seems to have panned out.   I wanted to work for myself, and my first few business endeavours didn’t turn out so bad.   I wanted to paint, and most of my art has had some gallery time as well as been sold.   Same with photography.  I wanted to be a good rock climber, and I’m climbing at a pretty respectable level.   I wanted to be good with women, and my dating life is respectable right now, to say the least.   I wanted to be a good snowboarder, dancer, magician, white water kayaker, adventurer,  speak multiple languages, and so and and so forth.

Have I been lucky?

Not so much.  Along each thing that works out, there are a serious number of embarrassing failures and a lot of perserverance.   I’ve just gotten comfortable with embarrassing failures.

I have a number of shelved paintings that I feel are uninspired, even though I’ve spent countless hours on them.  I’ll probably throw them out soon once I accept that they are that bad.

Many of my creative endeavors were canned.  Even look at this website, for example, you can see on the sidebanner that I had a writing gap.  Risingbean.com had virtually no readership in the first year.  And right now, I feel the first few articles I wrote were not particularly well written.

I’m more than sure many of the women I’ve approached in the past thought I was creepy, awkward, or weird.   Honestly speaking, 9 out of 10 phone numbers I collected didn’t pan out beyond flirty text messages.  Even now, many numbers don’t work out.  It’s just part of the game.

When I started learning Latin dancing, most women in the clubs wouldn’t dance with me because I wasn’t a good enough leader.  Even today, some women don’t like dancing salsa with me because my style is unconventional (it’s heavily hip hop infused).

I’ve taken huge falls rock climbing, had snowboarding tricks go wrong and land bad, desperately pulled out of my kayak and gasped for air in bitterly cold Nepali rapids, been “busted” doing my magic tricks, offended many people accidentally, and have gotten lost all over the world.

So yes, it’s not without a lot of failure and perserverance that one gets a breakthrough.

And I’m not talking about just trying out something.  I’m talking about committing to learn a skill to a proficient level or have a true experience of something.

It’s easy to try out snowboarding and give up because it’s too painful ( tip for beginners: wear wrist guards, knee pads, and a butt pad on your first three days if you want to succeed).  Similarly, it’s easy to go snowboarding once a year but never learn to carve.   It’s easy to say “Hello”, “How much?”, “Where is the toilet?” and count to 10 in a language, but having a conversation, making friends, or flirting with the opposite sex in a foreign language is a whole new ballgame.

The same goes for anything you try – my point is that you need to commit and follow through consistently to get good at it.

How do we do this?

Castenada once wrote:

“Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him.”

Choose the path with heart.   Sometimes, like rock climbing, it’s new and exciting from the start.  Other times, like learning languages, it takes a while to see the results.  As long as the heart is there, once combined with grit and determination, you’ll get there while enjoying the journey.

The journey may involve some loss.  Many actors retire from high paying but monotonous TV or movie roles to pursue theatre again.   I’ve lost the approval of many people in the pursuit of my endeavours.   It’s all about the evolution of ourselves.

So get started.   Take your ego out of the picture.  Stop worrying about what other people will think.  Remove the distractions from your life.  Think abundance and opportunity.  Everyone is capable of making great achievements.

“Do or do not.  There is no try.”

- Yoda

Being at Stanford and all, I’m brought to remember Steve Jobs’ commencement speech here in 2005, which I often quote from.  Here’s another secret – I put it on my iPod and I must have listened to it at least 43.5 times over the past few years.   It has definitely pumped me in the direction of charting my own path.

I like most of the speech, but I’m a particular fan of “keep looking, don’t settle” (if you haven’t found what you love) with regards to all aspects of life.  It’s nothing new, but a great reminder.  A really great reminder.  It’s also nice hearing it from someone’s actual experiences, and Steve Jobs’ professional life has been very public.

Caring means sharing, so here’s a link to an edited version of the speech I made (right click to save), free of the pre-speech and the commentator remarks – perfect for listening to over and over and over again.

Click here for the full text of his speech.

What was your intention with regard to your first 7-minute inspirational dance/video montage (videodancescape)?

I wanted to do something really free and fun, with the side effect of showing people what’s possible.  It’s crazy how it came together.  I really liked The “Sunscreen Song” (Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen), so I flirted with the idea of syncing some adventure clips to it while I was on the road last May.   The more I imagined it, the more it started to materialize.

At first, I jokingly filmed some silly scenes of myself goofing around in different landscapes.  Not long after, I found myself filming little dance scenes while thinking of the “Dance!” part of “The Sunscreen Song” while traveling.  And then, I really started filming specific scenes when I drove across the country in October.  It really came together in December when I was editing.  As I reviewed unwatched travel footage, many random scenes just popped up and inadvertently fit the song.  I have an article lined up on the power of intention in relation to that.

I also didn’t remember what the original video for the song looked like.  I didn’t watch it so that I would come up with something entirely original and based on my own experiences.   By the way, I love that word -  videodancescape.  It’s very image provoking.  It actually gives me an idea, which I’m writing down right now.

How much fun was it to be in total creative control of the piece?

Amazing.  When I look back at the freedom to work on something that has no commercial purpose, I can understand why actors leave high paying TV contracts to return to the theatre.  Prior to the video, creatively, I felt I was at a standstill.    One of the many coats I wear that few people know about is that I’m also a fine artist.  However, recently, I’ve had many unfinished and uninspired paintings and felt my creativity was at a standstill.

But with The Sunscreen Song Tribute, I felt a renewed vigor and realized I just needed a new outlet.  It was my first creative video project (I have no film-school training), but I rapidly finished all major editing in 4 days with very little sleep.  It was sheer joy.

“Do everything with your body.”  How does this statement impact mind?

The body, our senses, is a path to getting acquainted with our minds.   When I’m rock climbing, dancing, or doing yoga, I don’t think about much else.  I’m either focused on my movements or enjoying the moment.  I’ve learned that by taking that focus and awareness of one’s body to daily activities, even with something simple as washing the dishes, or my favorite, mending my clothes, it helps elevate everything one does.

I’m thinking of an entertaining quotation from Fight Club: 

“ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel’s life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.”

Do you have any fears left in you?

Absolutely.  That’s the story of my life and this blog – living with uncertainty and fear.   It’s all about managing these “fake fears” and more importantly, courage.  For example, I still have plenty of moments of hesitation approaching attractive women in public.  I also know from experience that I when I miss an opportunity, I hate banging my head against the wall later thinking “what if, would have, should have” even more, so that definitely helps me act more.

I also have a fear of confrontation.  Well actually, it’s more like I have a low tolerance for conflict and drama.   For example, I remember last week I had a less-than-stellar dispute at a business I frequent.  Although I calmly cited past, objective experiences and knew I was correct, the new manager was abrupt and grew more hardened in her position as I recalled past experiences.  Rather than create unnecessary  drama, I accepted the situation, took it up with the head office the next day, and everything was promptly resolved.  In disputes or negotiations, I recommend sticking with facts and leaving out emotions as much as possible.

Name two things that would scare the pants off you?

Well, I’ve learned that mental fears are really just that, so although they may make my heart race a bit, they won’t scare the pants off of me.

However, the last time I really got spooked, I was on the final pitch of a 15-pitch climb in Mexico.  The final pitch rounded a corner to a difficult and windy sheer face with a 1500 foot drop – I was really nervous climbing that final stretch.    The view from the top anchor station is actually on The Sunscreen Song Tribute at the part where Baz Luhrmann quips “your choices are half chance…”

In light of that, what would scare the pants off of me would be doing something crazy adventurous on a sheer rock face in combination with rock climbing.  Off the top of my head, two such activities would be BASE jumping and slacklining (see below video).

What’s the most important thing in life according to you?

This one’s evolved quite a lot, and still evolving as I re-define my perspective of life.  When I was younger, I felt family values were really important.  Then, I noticed that not everyone is given a great family or even has one for that matter.  I also came to realize that although family is great to have, it is not one’s sole purpose in life.  I plan on writing more about this meaty topic later.

Then, I remember I used to feel strongly about personal values such as honesty and integrity, but the other day, I tweeted this thought:

“Don’t concern yourself with what other people should or shouldn’t be, even if you intentions are noble“.

It’s just that in this vast world, and all the people I’ve seen and met in their simple and complex life situations, I can’t really judge them because their life circumstances could be  so different from mine, even though honesty and integrity are great characteristics to have.

As for what I think is important now,  though I can’t say it’s the most important, I would say from a spiritual context, it’s centering of oneself.  For readers new to this concept, it roughly means not occupying your mind with stress, worry, anxiety, resentment, and other negative states.  This topic can get pretty involved, but if it piques your interest, I highly recommend reading Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power Of Now.

On the same topic of change, another reader recently asked me about my purpose for traveling.   That’s evolved too – I used to travel to see a lot of places and open up my mind, then I changed it to having serious adventures abroad because I was tired of just looking at places.  Now,  I mostly want to live and experience different cultures at a slow pace.

Talk about your upcoming projects.

While filming The Sunscreen Song Tribute, I actually concurrently filmed videos for more inspirational videos I plan on slowly releasing in the future.  I also have to get more footage on the road while I continue piecing together my creative vision for these projects.  I’m hitting the road tomorrow actually.

In addition, I’ve filmed the required footage for many of my upcoming dance DVD’s, but I’m a real perfectionist, so I often find myself re-shooting scenes and going out to clubs to get more stock footage while creating my Club Dance Style.  It’s pretty hard getting dance footage in night clubs, but it’s important as it really shows that I walk my talk (or rather, dance it).  Night clubs don’t like video cameras, but these days, video cameras are so small and versatile that soon a phone will suffice!

Other than that, I’m seriously spending a lot of time editing these days, even though I may be abroad.  To keep editing from completely draining me, I plan on interspersing creative, inspirational videos with DVD releases.  Stay tuned!

Following the release of my video on Timothy Ferriss’ blog, a lot of people asked me for some life advice.  The truth is, just like Tim wrote about himself in his book, I’m not dirty rich nor do I wish to be.   I’m actually still on the path and don’t believe I’ve made it … yet(*).

I drive a 12-year old Honda Civic which I mostly maintain myself.  My sister-in-law gives me homecuts (albeit very good homecuts).  I’ve never owned a dishwasher, though I fantasize once in a while about having one in the distant future.  Instead of dinner and a movie dates, I choose “cost-efficient” dates such as going to public markets, having impromptu picnics, and surfing vintage thrift stores.

However, I will readily admit that I have planted the seed, and I am on a very good path.

Like one of the other featured people in Tim’s post, soultraveler3, who travels  around the world with her family on 25,000 dollars a year while her daughter plays the violin at each hop, I just don’t want to die with my song still in me.

I also feel that it’s pretty easy for people to write about their successes after they’ve made it, so I think it would be an interesting change for people to be reading from someone who’s only on the path to “making it”.

I’ve pretty much lived my life in reverse.  As a young, single dad many years ago, I was unwillingly forced to grow up very fast until it I couldn’t handle it any longer.  Then, a miraculous thing happened – I looked within myself and realized I was creating my unhappiness.  I realized I was the source of frustration -  and in short,  that was the start of how I became younger as I grew older.

Hopefully, I haven’t let good advice be wasted in my youth, so here is my advice for those who dare to aspire, for those who want to get younger as they grow older, from my youth to everyone of all ages:

Don’t worry about what other people think of you.  It’s mostly in your head.  You will be criticized and mocked (often by the ones closest to you) when you go out on a limb, but that is where all the fruit is.

Follow your intuition.  Men, this is particularly relevant to you since we tend to look at things too objectively.

Be okay with failure and rejection.

Be okay with losing friends who don’t support your new direction.  You will attract the right people into your life if you stay focused and on track.

Recognize the small successes for what they are – a seed planted for something bigger.

Stop judging others or yourself.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt.  In current terms, don’t be a hater.

Do one thing every day that scares you.  Mary Schmich wrote this in her article.  Lululemon reusable shopping bags have this written clearly on them.  I wrote about my experiences trying this concept out too.

Keep your mind active and always be learning something.  Be a lifelong student.  Be nice to beginners  (newbies, noobs), because if you make the lifelong learning habit, you will always be a “noob” at something.  More importantly, be humble.

Don’t concern yourself with being right (and making others wrong).  More often than not, it’s better just to be happy.

See your problems as either challenges or preferably opportunities.  I will admit that this is harder than it sounds yet it is so important.  Looking back on my life, I wouldn’t trade any of my so-called problems for the world, as they’ve taught me so much and brought me to where I am.  From them, I’ve learned acceptance, understanding, compassion, courage, and so much more.   Change your perspective and soon enough, you’ll be having good problems (e.g. Who should I ask out tonight – Betty or Veronica?)

Let go.  Accept the things you can’t change.  What you don’t accept will eat you up on the inside, and will synchronistically age you on the outside.  I’ll repeat it again -  Let go.

Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.  On the other side of fear lies freedom.

Celebrate your successes or achievements, but don’t let them inflate your ego.  Your accomplishments do not make you a better person than anyone else.

Be flexible.

Stay fit.  Your body is the most important possession you will ever have in this world, so take care of it with that in mind.  If you owned a Maserati, you wouldn’t put low octane fuel into it, so treat your body likewise.

Give value to other people.  Don’t think so much about what you can get.  It will come in due time, when you least expect it.

Lift with your knees.

Do what you love.  Working hard or working smart doesn’t mean much if you don’t love what you do.  Again, focus on giving value.  It’s a reward in itself.  Steve Jobs said it best:  If you haven’t found (what you love) yet, keep looking.  Don’t settle.

Simplify.  Don’t accumulate too many things.  They only tie you down and clutter your mind.

Look for similarities in other people, rather than differences.

Stop watching TV.

Create an action habit.  The Law of Attraction doesn’t work without some action.

Practice patience.

Take responsibility for your own actions.  Stop blaming others for your circumstances.

Write down your goals.

Review your goals.

And of course … above all else, wear sunscreen

(*) The notion of “making it” or “success” is purely subjective.   To some people, I may have made it.  To others, no.  Like I mention in the post, always be a student on the path.   Enjoy the journey, not the destination.

This year, I only have two New Year’s resolutions: avoid getting parking tickets and stop losing so many umbrellas.  That’s it.  They’re simple because my true goals are not made on the first day of every year.  It’s going to be the busiest time of the year for all fitness gyms as they sign on new members looking to get in shape, yet most gym employees will readily admit that 95% of new members will not show up after the first month.

Let’s stop the vicious cycle of making a sudden drastic change that goes nowhere and get something really accomplished.

Real goals are concrete, written down, and reviewed constantly.  I’m constantly on top of my goals, on track, and revising them as I meet them.  If you haven’t tried writing down your goals yet, it’s pretty simple.   Write them in every major category: health, wealth, career, family, relationships, spirituality, adventure, mental (new skills).  Write them for what you would like to reasonably achieve a year from now.  Then, write your 3 year, 5 year, and 10 year goals.

Next, comes the most important part: reviewing your goals constantly. I recommend journaling, either paper or digital.  Some people swear that pen and paper does wonders as the handwritten process makes them more connected with their written goals. I review them via a digital journal, and I often have so much to write.  At first, review them at least 2 or 3 times a week and write about how you’re on track with your goals or what plans you have to achieve them.  After half a year, you may tone it down to a weekly activity, but at least make sure you’re reading them.

Regardless, there’s magic in writing your goals.  I can attest to that.  Somehow, it activates your subconscious, and before you know it, you’re slowly moving towards many of them in some shape or form.  You’ll start taking action and procrastinate less.

In the book What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School by Mark McCormack, a well-known study of Harvard grads and goals was conducted.  Ten years after graduation, 13 percent of the class who were aware of their goals, were earning, on average, twice as much as the 84 percent who had no goals at all.  More interestingly, three percent of the class who had clear, written goals were earning, on average, ten times as much as the other 97 percent put together.

A year from now, when you’re reviewing them for at least the 100th time and scoffing at New Year’s Resolutions, you’ll realize you might have to revise many of your goals because you’ve met them sooner than you’ve thought.  Or, you might have gained some new insight and have moved into a completely positive new direction altogether.  This happens when you make a drastic change in your life, such as a career change, ending of a bad relationship, move, etc.  For example, in my case, as I developed new levels of thinking, I found I wanted to develop my spiritual goals, and  my material goals (wealth) became less important.  Many of the things I used to want I no longer desired.

Just don’t be afraid of change.  You need it to strengthen you.  The core of a person’s spirit is new experiences.

Seriously though, no matter how hard I try, I keep getting parking tickets no matter how hard I try to avoid them, especially in Toronto.  And those umbrellas.  I think I need an alarm that activates when I walk more than 50 meters away from mine.

I’ve been sidetracked on my other projects because I really wanted to put this video out there before the year end.  I’m really happy to have the freedom to work on a creative project with no real purpose other than to put some good energy out into the universe.   It’s a video I’ve compiled from the video I’ve taken in my adventures and activities over the past few years (too bad I only started doing video a year ago!).

I’m not trying to tell everyone to do everything possible, but rather inspire people to live more freely.  If it inspires you, and you like it, please share.  I would like a video with a good message to spread out there rather than the negative conflict-driven material that often consumes us.  The song is “Everybody’s Free (Wear Sunscreen)” voiced by Baz Luhrmann.  It’s been 10 years since it came out and this is my 10-year tribute.  Again, feel free to share with as many people as possible.

All the best,

Ki’une

Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)  lyrics:

by Baz Luhrmann (written by Mary Schmich)

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Last week during table topics, I recanted a story about rock climbing at night in Mexico that led to my choice of today’s theme: Adventure.

Although the climb I described sounded incredibly dangerous and high – if this podium was the cliff, we were like ants – it wasn’t as scary as one might think.   My partner and I had years of experience climbing outdoors and had trained gradually to overcome our fear of heights and falling.  Nothing on the cliff itself surprised us other than the height, but at that height, our minds couldn’t really grasp the magnitude as everything below just looked like miniatures.  When we ran into a little trouble that night and our rope got caught while pulling it down, we didn’t panic.

We simply readjusted the remaining length of rope, used it safely to climb up and free the rope.  For me, climbing in the dark was new which did make me a bit nervous, but deep inside, I knew there was nothing to worry about.

Now, you don’t have to rock climb, jump out of an airplane, or backpack through Iraq to have an adventure.  On the contrary, the adventurous living I advocate involves breaking free of certain social conditioning and challenging yourself to improve your life circumstances, open up your mind, or just make every day more interesting.

I was at a friend’s house a few weeks ago when a quotation on her reusable Lululemon shopping bag caught my eye:

“Do one thing a day that scares you.”

In preparation for this week’s role as Toastmaster and the theme I chose, I decided to put it to the test.  Here we go.

Monday

Talk to an attractive girl on the subway under the glaring eyes and listening ears of strangers.  Get her phone number.

Tuesday

Take a big step into the world of entrepreneurship by linking my personal bank account to an online shopping cart I’ve been working on.

Wednesday

Rock climbing night.  Tackle that thin 5.12 climb – thin meaning it feels like climbing on tic tacs.  Take the big falls and keep trying.

Thursday

3 days are up!  Call the girl I met on the subway earlier on Monday.  I actually found this more nerve wracking than the approach.

Friday

Halloween night – enter a dance competition in front  of a crowd of people.  Still, it’s rather hard to do something adventurous on a day .  Promise to wear the afro on a day that’s not Halloween.

Saturday

Take a jazz funk dance class designed mostly for women.  Show up as the only guy.  Learn to dance sexy. (demonstrate move)

Sunday

Toughest day of them all.  After a lengthy hiatus in taking a major role at my Toastmasters club, take on the Toastmaster role and lead the meeting.

Hellen Keller once said:

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.

The most important actions are never comfortable.  Fortunately, it is possible to condition yourself to discomfort and overcome it. (Timothy Ferris)

With that said, I would like to start our meeting with a session I feel is for the truly adventurous – Table Topics.

When I was a little tike, my dad thought the same thing, and he introduced me to the daily newspaper. I began with the comics (minus Doonesbury because I didn’t understand the humor) and the front page. Soon I was devouring the entire first section. By the time I finished high school, my daily habit included reading most of the daily newspaper, and I believed anyone not informed on the news was an ignoramus.

Fast forward to the present day and I have since given up the news completely. Funny how things have changed.

News Makes You Negative

A few months ago, I was having a breakfast with my friend Thomas and his new girlfriend Jane. It was an awkward meal because Jane had a pretty strong personality, complained quite a bit about the restaurant, and continuously chose to talk about the news for conversation. Many of her sentences resembled in one form or another: “Did you hear about …“, “It’s so awful“, “I can’t believe…“.

Out of curiosity, I asked her, “Do you read the news often?”

Her reply was, “Yes, I love the news. It’s an addiction. Every morning I read all The Toronto Star, The National Post, and The Globe and Mail. I like to keep up to date on current events.”

Constant news exposure can invade your subconscious, resulting in you complaining more, becoming more pessimistic, and being difficult to satisfy. If your news source is a biased publications, then you’ll easily become more opinionated on a subject, feel the need to be right (and others wrong) about your views, reinforce certain beliefs, and swallow points of views verbatim, no questions asked. Seriously, when is the last time any of us have read an Afghani or Iraqi newspaper?

Negative news sells. Good news just isn’t as interesting. The incredible damage and lives lost by an earthquake isn’t as interesting as the small heroic rescue and recovery efforts by individuals. Have you ever read good news? Unless a well-known philanthropist donates an eight figure sum of money to a charity, day to day good deeds we do for each other go unnoticed compared to the isolated bad things people do – yet good things happen all the time. We see it. We live it.

In Toronto, given the relatively low crime rate, the news feeds on the next best things – traffic accidents, house fires, and of course, the “neverending” cycle of bad weather. In the winter, we have the snowstorms, freezing rain, snow shovel, and the accidents. In the summer, the news shifts almost immediately to the heat, smog, humidity, and construction traffic. The weather is as it is – it’s only bad if you let it be.

News Makes you Fearful

Nothing sells better than fear.

The news makes you afraid of things you weren’t afraid of before, like killer monkeys or dirty toilet seats. Because the news delivers a heap of tragedy around the world to your door, you get a perception that the outside world is dangerous, when really, day to day, not much happens for over 99% of the world.  I encourage you to travel and find out for yourself.

When the tsunami of 2004 hit, in the days following the disaster, “What to do in the event of a tsunami” stories plagued the media. We’re afraid of sharks because the news reports it when in fact, more people die from toilets than sharks. Don’t start eyeing your throne warily though. They’re perfectly safe. And clean.

But seriously, think about it. Even when there is no major news, there are reserve stories. Germs danger on public restaurant trays. Internet predators preying on your children. Potential flu outbreaks.

With information access at our fingertips these days, you can now look for things to be afraid of. As I left to travel around Peru last year, more than one person (who have never been there before) told me of dangers to watch out for, such as an earthquake that happened months before in a region I wasn’t visiting. Overfeeding yourself on danger reports will keep you locked up in your home.

Cruises and package vacations to Caribbean resorts make a killing because resorts offer the illusion of ultra-safety and most of all, isolation from most of the local population, who can be unpredictable. In my travels, I’ve interacted with locals on more than one occasion. I’ve even been lured away. Yikes. The results? An invitation to pray (to whatever religion or non-religion I chose) in a fantastic mosque. A memorable meal with a Peruvian family. A secret surf spot and a beach party.

News Makes You Bored

If the news isn’t particularly devastating, then it’s juicy. The personal lives of celebrities are constantly exploited in gossip tabloids, which sell better than regular newspapers. Why deal with your routine life when you can live vicariously through the scandals of other? I’m sure most celebrities live pretty normal lives, but when put under the glaring eye of the tabloids, a small blemish, a bad outfit, or some weight gain can’t escape public scrutiny. Really, it’s just normal lives re-written into epic tantalizing stories.

Boredom and fear are low frequency emotions. Because the news is so ubiquitous, it only serves to lower the collective consciousness of all people. If you suffer from some of the lowest frequency emotions such as depression or anxiety, then you definitely should avoid the news.

Fortunately, you can choose to be out of the loop. Trust me, you’ll get the news if you really need it. If it’s big or is something that impacts you, which it rarely is, you’ll either hear it from someone else or find out by your own means.

I’ve given up the news for a few years now, and it hasn’t changed much when I glance at the headlines – Turmoil in Iraq. A crime in some part of the city. A fire in some neighborhood. A corrupt politician. I’m not condoning apathety. I know some people who scan the news for , so that they can buy flowers for the victims.

Unless you plan on taking some action, then staying informed is not a good enough reason to subject yourself to such negativity. Do you really remember most of the articles you read?

Ready to give it up? Read Part 2 for more.

In my previous article on meditation, I introduced the benefits of meditating. In this article, I’ll offer some tips on getting on the meditation track.

When I first started doing meditation, I couldn’t believe how difficult it was to stay focused. Unless I was concentrating on a climb, getting into a meditative state was elusive given my rambling mind. But, just like all things, persistence and practice eventually yielded results.

And this one’s worth it.

What’s happening is that our mind is accustomed to be constantly on the move. Reflecting on past events. Worrying about the future. Processing negative distracting information. But not being at peace in the present moment, which is the only place to be. Sometimes I would meditate for an hour, and feel like I’ve only gotten a grand total of 1 minute silence.

The unconscious mind is strong and resists your attempts at neutralizing it. If you’ve tried meditation, and find yourself becoming impatient or fidgety, then meditation is even more important to do. Dont’ fret. What you’re doing is breaking a habit that you’ve carried as long as you lived and creating one of the best habits you’ll ever have, so give it time!

Clear Your Environment

First, remove all distractions and make sure your environment is quiet and relaxed. Get yourself into a comfortable seated cross-legged position, half lotus, or full lotus if you’re pretty flexible (though I find my circulation cuts off for this position). Sit in an active position with your back upright. Sit on something other than a rock-hard floor. Some people use meditation cushions, which are pretty comfortable. I usually sit on my yoga mat.

Don’t meditate on your bed or a sofa, as your mind has an anchored association with sleep and passive relaxation. Your mind must be fully awake. Though meditation is commonly referred to as passive meditation, it is active, as your mind is engaged. If you’re fortunate to be in nature, then this is the best place to do a meditation.

Focus On Your Breath

Close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Breathe in and out through your nose, unless you are using a mantra, in which case, exhale through your mouth. Control your breathing so that for every four counts inhaled, you exhale to five counts.

Breathe with your breath hitting the back of your throat, like when you’re trying to fog a mirror with your breath. After a while, your breathing might even sound reminiscent of waves breaking on a shore. Take notice of your breath as the air fills your lungs and then your entire body. Feel your lower belly rise, your chest expand and contract. Try to stay in this focus.

Once you loosen your conscious attention on your breath, then the unconscious mind may take over and distract you with thoughts to fill the void. Let the thoughts enter and pass. Sometimes you may not be aware of it as your mind is so accustomed to thinking. Your mind may drift for a long period before you can catch your thoughts drift. Once you realize this, re-focus on your breath. Next time, if a thought comes, to avoid going on a tangent of throught drifts, just accept it and let them go – don’t give the thoughts any further attention.

Ultimately, you want to reduce the amount of time your mind spends wandering to zero, and be fully focused and present for the duration of your meditation. If you are prone to distraction, try actively watching for a thought to enter your mind. If you actively wait for a thought, you might notice that no thoughts will enter your mind with this conscious attention.

Try meditating for 15 minutes daily, then go for thirty. If you have enough time, then try an hour here and there. The longer you can hold your meditation, the greater the benefit.

Mantras

When I first got into meditation, I met with a meditation teacher who gave me a personal mantra to focus on. I would breathe it out with my exhalation. Some mantras are long, which I don’t find really work. Most of the short mantras probably resonate much like our natural exhalation, like “Ah” or “Ohm”. Though comforting in sound, it was a bit exerting. Eventually, I settled in on simple uji breathing, as mentioned above, but with a deep lower belly involvement.

Everyone’s different. A mantra may help you focus where simple breathing may not, so experiment a little with them.

Meditate for Yourself

I was, however, told not to share my mantra with anyone. There is a spiritual reason that the potency or energy of the personal mantra is lost once shared, though I’ve come to rationalize that meditation in general is a personal activity. One of its primary purposes is to raise your consciousness and free yourself from your ego.

When you talk about meditation to others, it’s possible your ego may open itself to the notion that you may have some “spiritual superiority” on others. You’ve gotten so much progress – why blow it by bragging? I don’t encourage my friends and family to meditate. Most of them actually don’t know I meditate. When you are ready, you will find it. This is perhaps how you’ve stumbled upon this article.

Music

Music is a personal preference. I don’t meditate to music, but I do love doing yoga with it on in the background. Try meditating without music to start, but experiment with some soothing music if you your mind easily distracted during silent meditations. Avoid with recognizable vocals/lyrics, though chanting is fine.

Meditation Classes

There isn’t much to meditation, but certainly a class may help you on your way. Also witnessing the results of meditation, the peacefulness in other people’s faces, will further motivate you. There’s also the benefit of added energy associated with meditating amongst others.

Meditation classes are usually free, especially at Buddhist temples or associations.

Falling Asleep?

I had this challenge quite often since I feel meditation is best done in the morning. I wasn’t the best riser, so often I would find myself nodding off soon into my meditation. If this is the case for you, I suggest doing some form of exercise for 15 to 30 minutes before your meditation, especially yoga.

If you can only meditate once a day, then the morning is the best time to meditate. Wake up earlier to accommodate it. If this isn’t possible, you can also choose to meditate in the early evening, but as you often are tired from the day, it’s not optimal.

Avoid meditating just before going to sleep, though you can do a pre-sleep exercise suggested by Eckhart Tolle in his book, The Power of Now. As you lie in bed, just allow your consciousness to focus on a different part of the body several seconds at a time, followed by a wave of consciousness up and down your body.

Mind Drifting?

If your mind drifts for a moment or even for the whole meditation, let it be. There’s no sense in aggravating yourself and fueling your mind with more chatter. Just accept it, realize you may need to catch your thoughts better or need to focus on something else next time, and meditate again later.

If you are going through a particularly tumultuous time in your life situation, that is, during meditation your mind strays on problems leading to feelings of frustration or anxiety, then put your attention on the feeling itself but not the reasons for having that feeling.

For example, say you are upset at a demanding boss. Just observe the feeling of being upset, but toss out any thoughts of your boss. Your mind will lose its reason for being upset and will gradually lose that feeling. If it is a particularly strong feeling, then the feeling will at least become weaker. Moreover, you will be able to put things into perspective and move towards more positive emotions.

As I mentioned in my first article on meditation, it is through meditation that we can shift our perception on our seemingly big life problems and either find solutions to them or regard them to be as common as choosing a dessert. Count your breaths to ten and repeat.

If you are new to meditation, and your mind drifts often, try meditating with your eyes open while focusing on something. Mandalas were once used for this purpose. Try staring at a candle or the leaves of trees in the wind. It is best, however, to eventually remove the visual element from meditation.

Meditation doesn’t seem very useful initially, especially if you have a distractive mind, so may waver in your practices. There’s no really right or wrong way to meditate. Just stick to it and be consistent. Every meditation, good or “bad”, is a brick in your palace. You will naturally find a way to bring your focus into the present. Eventually, you will be able to augment meditation to become present in various daily situations, whether it be waiting in line or in a traffic jam.

Meditation is not a means to an end. It is both the means and the end.

-Jiddu Krishnamurti

When I first came across the concept of meditation, like many people in our busy society, I thought it was an incredible waste of time. I mean, after all, it simply required one to sit there and be seemingly “unproductive”.

This all changed after a fortunate series of events brought me to meditation. I met an amazing rock climber in Kentucky, and when I asked her for the secret to her skill, she replied “Yoga”. I immediately took up yoga afterwards, and after doing it a number of times, I noticed the incredible calmness I experienced during shavasana, or the final relaxation pose after a strenuous stretching session.

Meditation in Extreme Situations

If you like extreme sports, chances are you’ve cleared your mind and have had conscious meditative states already.

When I was outdoors rock climbing, especially on difficult and high problems, I became intensely focused on the climb, to avoid the unpleasant feeling of a fall if I made a mistake. Though I would never do a climb where my partner and I weren’t very safe, a big fall is still harrowing nonetheless.

At the time, I couldn’t explain it. All I knew was that I was focused immensely on my next immediate moves, and afterwards, could only explain it as “becoming really connected with nature.” The same could be said if I was white water kayaking a big rapid or speeding through the tree runs on my snowboard.

For a while, I was addicted to these sports, particularly rock climbing, because when I was dangling on rock faces high above the ground, I actually forgot about all my problems. I was in the moment. Focused on every movement. The only thought held in my mind was the climbing route. It might seem to be a rather extreme way to forget one’s problems, but at one point in time, my mind was running around like a headless chicken. My “problems” really bothered me a lot – I would be thinking about them before I got on the climb and after my climbing trip was over.

Could it just be adrenaline then? Nope. What I noticed was the adrenaline high – represented in the form of the gung-ho cries and a huge grin of satisfaction – always came after I finished the climb, landed the jump, surfed the rapid, etc.

Of course, the caveat of finding presence through an intense situation was that once my climbing trip was over, the gears in my mind started rotating, and my problems came lurking about again.

Silence is a source of great strength.

- Lao Tzu

Returning to my experience with yoga, I noticed that shivasana felt very much like like the focus I had when I was climbing. I then realized that I could have that intense present focus at any time, without having to be 1500 feet above the ground or doing an hour of hot yoga.

So why meditate?

The Small Stuff Become Insignificant

Our mind is bombarded with information these days – way more than we can ever process in a thousand lifetimes. We are constantly processing new information and filter it poorly. On top of that, our lives have ballooned in complexity with tasks to do which probably aren’t important and worries that probably will never materialize.

We know they’re stupid little things. On their own, none of them have that much impact, and yet the sum of them can be a cause of great stress. Meditation shuts off the valve on all this mind chatter and gives us back control of our minds.

The solution to all of life’s problems can be found through meditation.

- Wayne Dyer

The Big Stuff Becomes Small Stuff

We’ve heard it all before. We live amongst billions of people on an ordinary planet, near an ordinary star out of trillions in the universe. Or, in the cosmos of time, our lives are but a heartbeat.

Often times, conscious understanding of our limited time on earth does help put our problems into perspective. At other times, we are so self-absorbed in our seemingly huge problems that we can’t see how small they really are. When emotions run high, logically rationalizing their insignifcance can be difficult.

People who have gone through near-death experiences usually get this shift in perspective, but do we really need a life changing incident to get us back on track?

Meditation brings us into awareness that those seemingly large problems are just our life situations, but not life itself, as spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle puts it. When we separate ourselves from our external circumstances, we can then free ourselves from worrying or frustrating ourselves with a particular circumstance in our life situation. We are then able to use that free energy to either deal with them better or let them go.

The Path to True Happiness

Without peace of mind, even with the pleasant external conditions, you will not experience happiness. It could be mulling over your divorce while on a beach in Hawaii or envying someone’s Porsche while rolling in your new BMW. True happiness can be found when you free yourself from identifying with your external circumstances, good or bad, and see the joy that is in life itself.

Meditating on concepts such as forgiveness, gratitude, and peace are all excellent ways to bring true happiness into your life. In essence, you are training your mind to be in a state of true happiness at all times, even when the worst comes before you.

Become Conscious

The concept of consciousness is being embraced as more and more people become familiarized with it. If you are new to the term consciousness, it essentially means to become aware of your thoughts more often, if not at all times.

It is also synonymous with the terms “awakening”. Conscious direction of our thoughts puts us in the driver seat. With this control of our mind, life becomes very enjoyable as we no longer live in a reactive state. We can choose our thoughts, and thus also our emotions and behavior patterns.

Meditation is perhaps the ways to become a conscious human being. Unless you come from an remote jungle tribe, you’ve likely grown up in a society bombarded with negative news, advertisements previewing the fast life, violent TV shows, and so on. You’ve been surrounded by unconscious thinking and reactive behavior, both in yourself and others. Of course, you’ve felt something wrong with the way you’ve been thinking or you wouldn’t be reading this article.

Remember, you’re not meditating to escape your external circumstances or life situation. You’re putting it into perspective. You’re recalibrating. You’re recalibrating until nothing is that big of a deal, big stuff or small stuff.

Just dive in and give it a shot. It might take a few tries to get the hang of it, but once you do, the benefits will be immediately noticeable. Click here for some tips.

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in life has a purpose.
-Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

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