Self Discipline

Mary Schmich penned the article  “Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young” many years ago to which my Sunscreen Song Tribute is derived from.

Following the release of my video on Timothy Ferriss’ blog, a lot of people asked me for some life advice.  The truth is, just like Tim wrote about himself in his book, I’m not dirty rich nor do I wish to be.   I’m actually still on the path and don’t believe I’ve made it … yet(*).

I drive a 12-year old Honda Civic which I mostly maintain myself.  My sister-in-law gives me homecuts (albeit very good homecuts).  I’ve never owned a dishwasher, though I fantasize once in a while about having one in the distant future.  Instead of dinner and a movie dates, I choose “cost-efficient” dates such as going to public markets, having impromptu picnics, and surfing vintage thrift stores.

However, I will readily admit that I have planted the seed, and I am on a very good path.

Like one of the other featured people in Tim’s post, soultraveler3, who travels  around the world with her family on 25,000 dollars a year while her daughter plays the violin at each hop, I just don’t want to die with my song still in me.

I also feel that it’s pretty easy for people to write about their successes after they’ve made it, so I think it would be an interesting change for people to be reading from someone who’s only on the path to “making it”.

I’ve pretty much lived my life in reverse.  As a young, single dad many years ago, I was unwillingly forced to grow up very fast until it I couldn’t handle it any longer.  Then, a miraculous thing happened – I looked within myself and realized I was creating my unhappiness.  I realized I was the source of frustration -  and in short,  that was the start of how I became younger as I grew older.

Hopefully, I haven’t let good advice be wasted in my youth, so here is my advice for those who dare to aspire, for those who want to get younger as they grow older, from my youth to everyone of all ages:

Don’t worry about what other people think of you.  It’s mostly in your head.  You will be criticized and mocked (often by the ones closest to you) when you go out on a limb, but that is where all the fruit is.

Follow your intuition.  Men, this is particularly relevant to you since we tend to look at things too objectively.

Be okay with failure and rejection.

Be okay with losing friends who don’t support your new direction.  You will attract the right people into your life if you stay focused and on track.

Recognize the small successes for what they are – a seed planted for something bigger.

Stop judging others or yourself.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt.  In current terms, don’t be a hater.

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This year, I only have two New Year’s resolutions: avoid getting parking tickets and stop losing so many umbrellas.  That’s it.  They’re simple because my true goals are not made on the first day of every year.  It’s going to be the busiest time of the year for all fitness gyms as they sign on new members looking to get in shape, yet most gym employees will readily admit that 95% of new members will not show up after the first month.

Let’s stop the vicious cycle of making a sudden drastic change that goes nowhere and get something really accomplished.

Real goals are concrete, written down, and reviewed constantly.  I’m constantly on top of my goals, on track, and revising them as I meet them.  If you haven’t tried writing down your goals yet, it’s pretty simple.   Write them in every major category: health, wealth, career, family, relationships, spirituality, adventure, mental (new skills).  Write them for what you would like to reasonably achieve a year from now.  Then, write your 3 year, 5 year, and 10 year goals.

Next, comes the most important part: reviewing your goals constantly. I recommend journaling, either paper or digital.  Some people swear that pen and paper does wonders as the handwritten process makes them more connected with their written goals. I review them via a digital journal, and I often have so much to write.  At first, review them at least 2 or 3 times a week and write about how you’re on track with your goals or what plans you have to achieve them.  After half a year, you may tone it down to a weekly activity, but at least make sure you’re reading them.

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I’ve been sidetracked on my other projects because I really wanted to put this video out there before the year end.  I’m really happy to have the freedom to work on a creative project with no real purpose other than to put some good energy out into the universe.   It’s a video I’ve compiled from the video I’ve taken in my adventures and activities over the past few years (too bad I only started doing video a year ago!).

I’m not trying to tell everyone to do everything possible, but rather inspire people to live more freely.  If it inspires you, and you like it, please share.  I would like a video with a good message to spread out there rather than the negative conflict-driven material that often consumes us.  The song is “Everybody’s Free (Wear Sunscreen)” voiced by Baz Luhrmann.  It’s been 10 years since it came out and this is my 10-year tribute.  Again, feel free to share with as many people as possible.

All the best,

Ki’une

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This is the text of my speech I delivered a few weeks ago as the meeting’s Toastmaster.

Last week during table topics, I recanted a story about rock climbing at night in Mexico that led to my choice of today’s theme: Adventure.

Although the climb I described sounded incredibly dangerous and high – if this podium was the cliff, we were like ants – it wasn’t as scary as one might think.   My partner and I had years of experience climbing outdoors and had trained gradually to overcome our fear of heights and falling.  Nothing on the cliff itself surprised us other than the height, but at that height, our minds couldn’t really grasp the magnitude as everything below just looked like miniatures.  When we ran into a little trouble that night and our rope got caught while pulling it down, we didn’t panic.

We simply readjusted the remaining length of rope, used it safely to climb up and free the rope.  For me, climbing in the dark was new which did make me a bit nervous, but deep inside, I knew there was nothing to worry about.

Now, you don’t have to rock climb, jump out of an airplane, or backpack through Iraq to have an adventure.  On the contrary, the adventurous living I advocate involves breaking free of certain social conditioning and challenging yourself to improve your life circumstances, open up your mind, or just make every day more interesting.

I was at a friend’s house a few weeks ago when a quotation on her reusable Lululemon shopping bag caught my eye:

“Do one thing a day that scares you.”

In preparation for this week’s role as Toastmaster and the theme I chose, I decided to put it to the test.  Here we go.

Monday

Talk to an attractive girl on the subway under the glaring eyes and listening ears of strangers.  Get her phone number.

Tuesday

Take a big step into the world of entrepreneurship by linking my personal bank account to an online shopping cart I’ve been working on.

Wednesday

Rock climbing night.  Tackle that thin 5.12 climb – thin meaning it feels like climbing on tic tacs.  Take the big falls and keep trying.

Thursday

3 days are up!  Call the girl I met on the subway earlier on Monday.  I actually found this more nerve wracking than the approach.

Friday

Halloween night – enter a dance competition in front  of a crowd of people.  Still, it’s rather hard to do something adventurous on a day .  Promise to wear the afro on a day that’s not Halloween.

Saturday

Take a jazz funk dance class designed mostly for women.  Show up as the only guy.  Learn to dance sexy. (demonstrate move)

Sunday

Toughest day of them all.  After a lengthy hiatus in taking a major role at my Toastmasters club, take on the Toastmaster role and lead the meeting.

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News Keeps You Informed, Right?

When I was a little tike, my dad thought the same thing, and he introduced me to the daily newspaper. I began with the comics (minus Doonesbury because I didn’t understand the humor) and the front page. Soon I was devouring the entire first section. By the time I finished high school, my daily habit included reading most of the daily newspaper, and I believed anyone not informed on the news was an ignoramus.

Fast forward to the present day and I have since given up the news completely. Funny how things have changed.

News Makes You Negative

A few months ago, I was having a breakfast with my friend Thomas and his new girlfriend Jane. It was an awkward meal because Jane had a pretty strong personality, complained quite a bit about the restaurant, and continuously chose to talk about the news for conversation. Many of her sentences resembled in one form or another: “Did you hear about …“, “It’s so awful“, “I can’t believe…“.

Out of curiosity, I asked her, “Do you read the news often?”

Her reply was, “Yes, I love the news. It’s an addiction. Every morning I read all The Toronto Star, The National Post, and The Globe and Mail. I like to keep up to date on current events.”

Constant news exposure can invade your subconscious, resulting in you complaining more, becoming more pessimistic, and being difficult to satisfy. If your news source is a biased publications, then you’ll easily become more opinionated on a subject, feel the need to be right (and others wrong) about your views, reinforce certain beliefs, and swallow points of views verbatim, no questions asked. Seriously, when is the last time any of us have read an Afghani or Iraqi newspaper?

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In my previous article on meditation, I introduced the benefits of meditating. In this article, I’ll offer some tips on getting on the meditation track.

When I first started doing meditation, I couldn’t believe how difficult it was to stay focused. Unless I was concentrating on a climb, getting into a meditative state was elusive given my rambling mind. But, just like all things, persistence and practice eventually yielded results.

And this one’s worth it.

What’s happening is that our mind is accustomed to be constantly on the move. Reflecting on past events. Worrying about the future. Processing negative distracting information. But not being at peace in the present moment, which is the only place to be. Sometimes I would meditate for an hour, and feel like I’ve only gotten a grand total of 1 minute silence.

The unconscious mind is strong and resists your attempts at neutralizing it. If you’ve tried meditation, and find yourself becoming impatient or fidgety, then meditation is even more important to do. Dont’ fret. What you’re doing is breaking a habit that you’ve carried as long as you lived and creating one of the best habits you’ll ever have, so give it time!

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calibrate: v 1 “make fine adjustments for optimal functioning”

When I first came across the concept of meditation, like many people in our busy society, I thought it was an incredible waste of time. I mean, after all, it simply required one to sit there and be seemingly “unproductive”.

This all changed after a fortunate series of events brought me to meditation. I met an amazing rock climber in Kentucky, and when I asked her for the secret to her skill, she replied “Yoga”. I immediately took up yoga afterwards, and after doing it a number of times, I noticed the incredible calmness I experienced during shavasana, or the final relaxation pose after a strenuous stretching session.

Meditation in Extreme Situations

If you like extreme sports, chances are you’ve cleared your mind and have had conscious meditative states already.

When I was outdoors rock climbing, especially on difficult and high problems, I became intensely focused on the climb, to avoid the unpleasant feeling of a fall if I made a mistake. Though I would never do a climb where my partner and I weren’t very safe, a big fall is still harrowing nonetheless.

At the time, I couldn’t explain it. All I knew was that I was focused immensely on my next immediate moves, and afterwards, could only explain it as “becoming really connected with nature.” The same could be said if I was white water kayaking a big rapid or speeding through the tree runs on my snowboard.

For a while, I was addicted to these sports, particularly rock climbing, because when I was dangling on rock faces high above the ground, I actually forgot about all my problems. I was in the moment. Focused on every movement. The only thought held in my mind was the climbing route. It might seem to be a rather extreme way to forget one’s problems, but at one point in time, my mind was running around like a headless chicken. My “problems” really bothered me a lot – I would be thinking about them before I got on the climb and after my climbing trip was over.

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In my previous article, Give Up TV Now, I introduced the concept of freeing yourself from the clutches of TV. Here are some practical tips to help get you on your way.

1. Remove the TV From Your Room

The TV really serves no purpose in your room. When I was young, sure, it was cool to have a TV in my room. Now, the concept of having a TV in my room is alien to me. The bed is reserved for sleep and sex. Anything other activities only serve as distractions that yield restless sleep, especially if you want to become an early riser.

Watching the news or a violent TV show in particular prior to sleeping will only disturb your subconscious and you’ll end up taking those images with you to sleep, whether you want to or not. If you live in a studio apartment or the like, make sure the TV isn’t facing the bed.

2. Reduce the Number of TV’s to One

When I was young, my family’s house had three TV’s, one TV short of one for every family member, and very often we’d all be separated into different rooms watching our own programs. Watching a TV program with my brother essentially separated us, as we zombified ourselves into the glowing world in front of us.

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“Where’d all the good people go? I’ve been changing channels I don’t see them on the TV shows”
- Jack Johnson

TV In Our Culture

Somehow, our culture has evolved so that the main room in the house is the entertainment room (aka The Living Space Formely Known as The Family Room). Rather than being a room where people can sit face to face and talk, all chairs and sitting furniture are oriented to face glowing plasma pixels.

And what an entertainment room it has become – the epitome of grandeur and success for many (especially single guys). Movie theatre digital sound system. Piles of remote controls – or the one universal remote to rule them all. Gaming consoles stacked one upon each other. Everything we need to become disconnected from the real world.

I’m sure you know someone who has a TV in every room of the house, and perhaps even know someone who has a TV in the bathroom, for distraction from those precious moments .

What would a room be without a TV? It would be such a boring place, right? It would require people to sit together, face each other, and have conversations about life outside the box. It’s hard when there are a lot of great dramas out there, but living vicariously through the lives of onscreen characters only serves to weaken your sense of reality.

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