Firstly, feel better knowing that you are not alone. All of us go through cycles of despair, doubt, frustration, overwhelment, and insecurity.  I am writing this to you, so as I’ve  mentioned above, time is bridged for a connection.

Know that it will all get better in time.  It’s hard to believe, but if you look back on all the times you were down and out,  you eventually did move on.  It’s part of the human condition known as perserverance.  Remember that first breakup? If you’re a young reader and are nodding your head curious to read more, then just trust me, just give it some time  (and go out in the meantime!).

Use this time to strengthen yourself. There’s always a hidden lesson.  Don’t let problems, a bad dealing with someone, or a perceived betrayal harden you.  This is where you need to strengthen yourself by practicing universal love.  Give love when you feel like there’s nothing in you to give.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt.

If your business has gone sour, cherish your experiences, and realize you have an exciting new path ahead of you.  Opportunities come to those who open themselves to attracting them in, and those who see choices in all situations, particularly the challenging ones.  Most great things are born from a period of trial and error.

If a relationship has fallen apart – family, a business partnership, and particularly a romantic one – regardless of the circumstances or reasons, try to wish the other person the best in your heart (and mean it!).   This is what a part of unconditional love is.   It’s the best time to practice it.  You’ll thank yourself later, because instead of acquiring a jaded attitude to future relationships, you actually grow better.  Be grateful for the relationship.

If someone in your life has passed on, don’t let it translate into a fear of death.  Don’t dwell on the unfairness or the untimeliness of someone’s passing.  Embrace your mortality and realize you really need to live each day as if it were your last.  Allow things to be and don’t waste your energy in a state of resistance.

If you are physically incapacitated or suffer from some debilitating illness, recognize the body is only physical form.  Your mind is where your true power and energy lies.   The most brilliant people I’ve ever met have gone beyond their circumstances to make great achievements.  Those of us who are chronically “comfortable” actually have it the hardest – there is no drive other than to live out lives in mediocrity.

If you’re going through a job loss or are simply frustrated with work indifference, realize you have choice.  Believe it or not, you can choose a new path.  I did.  I spent 14 years in engineering before I decided to forge my way into the uncertain worlds of dancing and entrepreneurship.  You don’t need to wait so long.  Be brave.  Starting from the ground up can be exciting, not daunting.  If you’re free from employment, as Steve Jobs put it in his speech, it’s great to start all over as a beginner again.   If you’re not and want to live a little before the age of retirement (which doesn’t exist), start by trying a little something on the side today.

If you are overwhelmed and feel as if you have no time for yourself and you feel a loss of freedom, again, know that you have choice.  Spend that valuable time on finding ways to free your time.  Automate tasks.  Pay someone else to do it.   Don’t let principles stop you from saying no to getting outside help – whether it be business or within your household;  don’t let procrastination delay your freedom.

If your emotions are particularly strong at the moment, then embrace the feelings you have.  Observe them. If this concept seems unfamiliar, try to watch them like you’re an outside observer.  Let them be and they will settle.

In the space of time, we are but a mere blip in eternity (and even less than a blip, I would say).  The trials we have are experienced by generations over and over again, and right now, are experienced by perhaps hundreds of thousands of people in other parts of the world.  The earth is but an ordinary planet in the infinite cosmos.  Are our problems really that big in light of this?

I was chatting with a friend regarding how for most of us, once in a while when we see someone disabled, either physically or mentally, for a moment, we feel grateful for what we have.  Then, our day-to-day problems creep in, overwhelm us, and suddenly they seem bigger and more important than the end of the world.  Funny how that is.  Take notice of it.

So while you might be experiencing one of these problems (I know I am), someone else is experiencing another.  It’s important not to play the victim (if you have to sulk, give yourself a maximum time limit of a few days).  Then start asking yourself important questions such as: What is the opportunity here?  What can I learn here?

Instead of playing the victim, seriously answer those questions, and I promise you that your personal growth will skyrocket.   There is a balance in the universe.  With each seemingly negative experience, the positive outcome is there within it.  Personally, I wouldn’t trade any of my most challenging life problems for anything.

So, this is where I am right now.  There’s some sadness.  But I feel good that I’m sharing this moment with you, wherever you are, whenever it may be.

Being at Stanford and all, I’m brought to remember Steve Jobs’ commencement speech here in 2005, which I often quote from.  Here’s another secret – I put it on my iPod and I must have listened to it at least 43.5 times over the past few years.   It has definitely pumped me in the direction of charting my own path.

I like most of the speech, but I’m a particular fan of “keep looking, don’t settle” (if you haven’t found what you love) with regards to all aspects of life.  It’s nothing new, but a great reminder.  A really great reminder.  It’s also nice hearing it from someone’s actual experiences, and Steve Jobs’ professional life has been very public.

Caring means sharing, so here’s a link to an edited version of the speech I made (right click to save), free of the pre-speech and the commentator remarks – perfect for listening to over and over and over again.

Click here for the full text of his speech.

Following the release of my video on Timothy Ferriss’ blog, a lot of people asked me for some life advice.  The truth is, just like Tim wrote about himself in his book, I’m not dirty rich nor do I wish to be.   I’m actually still on the path and don’t believe I’ve made it … yet(*).

I drive a 12-year old Honda Civic which I mostly maintain myself.  My sister-in-law gives me homecuts (albeit very good homecuts).  I’ve never owned a dishwasher, though I fantasize once in a while about having one in the distant future.  Instead of dinner and a movie dates, I choose “cost-efficient” dates such as going to public markets, having impromptu picnics, and surfing vintage thrift stores.

However, I will readily admit that I have planted the seed, and I am on a very good path.

Like one of the other featured people in Tim’s post, soultraveler3, who travels  around the world with her family on 25,000 dollars a year while her daughter plays the violin at each hop, I just don’t want to die with my song still in me.

I also feel that it’s pretty easy for people to write about their successes after they’ve made it, so I think it would be an interesting change for people to be reading from someone who’s only on the path to “making it”.

I’ve pretty much lived my life in reverse.  As a young, single dad many years ago, I was unwillingly forced to grow up very fast until it I couldn’t handle it any longer.  Then, a miraculous thing happened – I looked within myself and realized I was creating my unhappiness.  I realized I was the source of frustration -  and in short,  that was the start of how I became younger as I grew older.

Hopefully, I haven’t let good advice be wasted in my youth, so here is my advice for those who dare to aspire, for those who want to get younger as they grow older, from my youth to everyone of all ages:

Don’t worry about what other people think of you.  It’s mostly in your head.  You will be criticized and mocked (often by the ones closest to you) when you go out on a limb, but that is where all the fruit is.

Follow your intuition.  Men, this is particularly relevant to you since we tend to look at things too objectively.

Be okay with failure and rejection.

Be okay with losing friends who don’t support your new direction.  You will attract the right people into your life if you stay focused and on track.

Recognize the small successes for what they are – a seed planted for something bigger.

Stop judging others or yourself.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt.  In current terms, don’t be a hater.

Do one thing every day that scares you.  Mary Schmich wrote this in her article.  Lululemon reusable shopping bags have this written clearly on them.  I wrote about my experiences trying this concept out too.

Keep your mind active and always be learning something.  Be a lifelong student.  Be nice to beginners  (newbies, noobs), because if you make the lifelong learning habit, you will always be a “noob” at something.  More importantly, be humble.

Don’t concern yourself with being right (and making others wrong).  More often than not, it’s better just to be happy.

See your problems as either challenges or preferably opportunities.  I will admit that this is harder than it sounds yet it is so important.  Looking back on my life, I wouldn’t trade any of my so-called problems for the world, as they’ve taught me so much and brought me to where I am.  From them, I’ve learned acceptance, understanding, compassion, courage, and so much more.   Change your perspective and soon enough, you’ll be having good problems (e.g. Who should I ask out tonight – Betty or Veronica?)

Let go.  Accept the things you can’t change.  What you don’t accept will eat you up on the inside, and will synchronistically age you on the outside.  I’ll repeat it again -  Let go.

Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.  On the other side of fear lies freedom.

Celebrate your successes or achievements, but don’t let them inflate your ego.  Your accomplishments do not make you a better person than anyone else.

Be flexible.

Stay fit.  Your body is the most important possession you will ever have in this world, so take care of it with that in mind.  If you owned a Maserati, you wouldn’t put low octane fuel into it, so treat your body likewise.

Give value to other people.  Don’t think so much about what you can get.  It will come in due time, when you least expect it.

Lift with your knees.

Do what you love.  Working hard or working smart doesn’t mean much if you don’t love what you do.  Again, focus on giving value.  It’s a reward in itself.  Steve Jobs said it best:  If you haven’t found (what you love) yet, keep looking.  Don’t settle.

Simplify.  Don’t accumulate too many things.  They only tie you down and clutter your mind.

Look for similarities in other people, rather than differences.

Stop watching TV.

Create an action habit.  The Law of Attraction doesn’t work without some action.

Practice patience.

Take responsibility for your own actions.  Stop blaming others for your circumstances.

Write down your goals.

Review your goals.

And of course … above all else, wear sunscreen

(*) The notion of “making it” or “success” is purely subjective.   To some people, I may have made it.  To others, no.  Like I mention in the post, always be a student on the path.   Enjoy the journey, not the destination.

I’ve been sidetracked on my other projects because I really wanted to put this video out there before the year end.  I’m really happy to have the freedom to work on a creative project with no real purpose other than to put some good energy out into the universe.   It’s a video I’ve compiled from the video I’ve taken in my adventures and activities over the past few years (too bad I only started doing video a year ago!).

I’m not trying to tell everyone to do everything possible, but rather inspire people to live more freely.  If it inspires you, and you like it, please share.  I would like a video with a good message to spread out there rather than the negative conflict-driven material that often consumes us.  The song is “Everybody’s Free (Wear Sunscreen)” voiced by Baz Luhrmann.  It’s been 10 years since it came out and this is my 10-year tribute.  Again, feel free to share with as many people as possible.

All the best,

Ki’une

Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)  lyrics:

by Baz Luhrmann (written by Mary Schmich)

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Continuing on my thoughts on the “Children Full of Life” series, I thought about how I consider my son to be a great teacher after watching the above clip (part 3).  Children see things differently, and it’s important to treat them as equals.  Recently, I’ve facing quite a lot of uncertainty as I uproot myself from my current routines and try something new.  I try my best to keep centered, but last week, my son asked me:

“Daddy, where’s your happy face?”

Xeius went on about how I used to always have it, and recently I didn’t.  He was right.  My worry was written all over my face, and I probably was affecting the people around me and particularly him.  I remember the last time I faced such uncertainty, it was when I had him.  Xeius came at what I could say was an inconvenient time, and I wasn’t prepared to be a father.  Funny how things have changed and now he’s my teacher.

So, often I observe my son for simplicity.  For example, he’s got a LOT of fancy toys given to him by lots of people who love him.  When he’s visiting me, I don’t have a lot of toys to offer him, but he doesn’t care.  He can spend hours on end searching and playing with bugs under rocks, riding a bike with me, or by making new friends in the playground.

The same applies for me and all of us adults.  Does everything have to be so complicated?  The Buddha said that all suffering comes from desire, so somehow when we became adults, we adopted a rabid obsession to accumulate – material, prestige, even experiences – which only causes an unending  cycle of wanting and unhappiness.  I think about a segment of the song “Where’s the Love” by the Black Eyed Peas:

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m getting older y’all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction

Going back to the the documentary and the theme of compassion, I reflect upon compassion lost as adults.  For sure, it definitely helps to teach children compassion, perspective, and empathy, but for ourselves we can’t blame our current circumstances on our upbringing.  I wasn’t raised as well as the kids in that class to be compassionate, nor do I consider myself to be a truly compassionate person.   But it is something that I feel is within me and I can bring it out.

It’s so much easier to see everyone as one – look for similarities, not differences.

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to practice compassion.  I biked too close to a woman crossing the road and she reacted and screamed at me, “Watch where you’re going, you bloody idiot!” .  I felt a little defensive at first, but I was quick to apologize realizing I might have invaded her personal space.  She was so surprised to hear an apology that she blushed, and by the end of the conversation, we were wishing each other a good day.

So, mimic a child if you can today.  Simplify.  After all, aren’t we all really children when we truly live in the moment?

This video series on how Japanese kids are taught compassion sparked a thought.  A good friend of mine and mentor, George, often discusses with me his vision of what schools should be like.   He tells me that they should go beyond the formal institutions that they are now and teach necessary life skills.  In some ways, community colleges seem to address this more than many prestigious universities.  They’re practical and down to earth.

George was a dropout who lived off the streets for almost a decade before picking himself up and becoming a successful entrepreneur.  I myself took the opposite route – I went to university, finished a challenging engineering degree, and did the grind until I realized it was not for me.  I also realized almost all the heavy theory I learned in school had no practical application in the workplace.  Many of my colleagues told me the same.  For the people skills that I really needed, I had to go out and learn them on my own – through traveling, taking Toastmasters, social dynamics, etc.

So when George and I converge and talk about school, we come from two different backgrounds but see eye to eye.  George tells me he ultimately hopes to contribute to society by building his vision of a school – one that teaches social skills,  life skills, coping with failure, taking risks, etc.  I truly hope it happens.  If it does, then I hope the lessons in compassion  taught to Japanese grade-schoolers in that video are included as a mandatory course.