I often tell my son he’s one of my greatest teachers, because with his help, I gradually learned how to be a kid again.  It wasn’t an easy process though.  I was caught up in a world of worry, seriousness, and other people’s definition of “reality” for a long time before I slowly shed self-defeating thoughts layer by layer.   Now, according to the kids in the playground, I’m officially one of them!

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.

Forgive And Forget.  Remember this when you were young?  You would get mad at your parents over something and then tell yourself that you would hate them FOREVER.  I can’t count how many times I was going to be mad at my parents FOREVER.  Now, I can’t even remember one single thing I was upset at them for.  We teach children forgiveness, but then they one-up us by showing us how to forget.

Some may say that children lack the capacity to truly understand the concept of forgiveness, but I feel we can learn a lot from them.  Kids try to hold grudges, but rarely do, yet adults easily hold grudges over small matters, often trivial matters.  I know many adults who will harbour a resentment to their death beds.  I don’t know any kids who can do that for more than a few days.  We laugh at this, and yet, it’s  ironic because they’re doing something most of us can’t do.

Lose Your Role.  Part of being an adult, and particularly a parent, is getting caught in the role of being an adult.  Suddenly, you over-concern yourself with stroller recalls, being suspicious of strangers, and being more serious in general.  I myself played this adult role for a long time.

Another huge part of the adult role is the need to be right.  You can’t make mistakes in front of children, right?  Wrong.  As much as I’d love my son to think of me as Superman, I actually feel more super by admitting my mistakes and showing him that I’m pretty human.  On the same token, adults especially don’t like being wrong in front of other adults.  If told otherwise, we get fixated with our points of view and almost automatically become rigid and defensive.

Be flexible.  Be a learner.  Laugh at your mistakes.  F*ck being right.

Perspective.  Kids don’t get stressed.  Sure, their problems aren’t like ours, but what makes our problems bigger than theirs?  Why are our problems here in the first place?  What are we not letting go of?   Children don’t see our problems as problems, just like we don’t see their problems as problems.    Likewise, they don’t care about our problems as much as we don’t care about theirs.  How about looking at your problems through their eyes?  That’s the great thing about perspective.  Sometimes, just seeing things from the point of view of another person, even a child, makes things a lot easier.

Look At The World In A Kinder Light.  Funny that kinder is the German word for “children”! As we get older, we tend to readily consume negative information.  We adapt the distorted belief that the world is more dangerous than it really is and then pass our views to children.  We inundate our children with the constant hazards of everyday life, and as a result, confine ourselves to safe beach vacations, gated communities in the suburbs, bottled water, hand sanitizers, and SUV’s.

I visited Myanmar a few months ago – a dictatorship country with almost no Western influence, no banks for foreigners, and a high rate of poverty.  As I wandered the dark streets at night, due to constant brownouts and lack of street lighting, I felt perfectly safe, as did other travelers.  The Burmese are really wonderful people, and poverty does not necessarily mean danger.

Teach kids to be street smart, but not afraid of everything.  Kids generally think of the world as an OK place, and really, it is.  Start adapting that mentality more, and you’ll be waving at strangers rather than thinking they’re out to get you.

Be In The Moment.  Kids don’t get stuck fretting about the past or worrying about the future.   The past is either a learning experience or fun memories – usually the latter.  Adults, however, don’t have it as good.  In fact, we teach kids that the past can be used as a weapon, either to others or themselves .  “Remember the time you ____ ?  That’s why we don’t ____ anymore.”  Making mistakes is not failure so long as you use those less-than-stellar experiences as stepping stones.

Enjoy right now.  I will admit that this isn’t an easy concept, but I will break it down in future posts.

Find Happiness In Simple Things.  Kids can make an adventure out of anything – cardboard boxes, the playground, a pile or rocks.  When I travelled to the rural areas of Nepal and Peru, I really took notice of how the children would relish in a game of soccer with an old ball or even an empty water bottle.  One of my fondest memories of the past summer was simply building stone forts at a rocky beach in Nova Scotia, and then having an epic battle with my son.

Similarly, you can find happiness today in something small.  A walk in the woods.  Enjoying an ice cream cone.  Sitting in silence.  Just do one thing, and don’t think about the time, errands to run later, or anything else.

Play.  Obviously, this had to be on the list.  Kids need to play.  We don’t…. do we?  Yes we do, but adults don’t play because they’re either too busy, too tired, or too serious.  Becoming unbusy requires much conscious effort and time management.  As for tiredness, what is the source of that tiredness?  It’s rarely due to age.  I’ve seen hoards of Japanese seniors making the 10 day round-trip trek to 4,500m in Nepal.  It’s more likely physical neglect and mental fatigue.  Are you not living on purpose?  Are you caught up running around tackling pointless tasks?  Are you allowing your body and mind to be inactive?

Maturity has nothing to do with the absence of playfulness.  It’s related to responsibility.  The “youngest” elderly I know are playful their whole lives.  It’s embedded in their faces – the happy wrinkles around their eyes, their naturally radiant smiles, their exuberance.

Follow A Dream.  This is a big one.  We dreamed big when we were young.  We dressed up as our favorite characters, imagined ourselves as them, and had fantastic visions of what we wanted to be when we grew up.  Then we quashed our dreams with age.  Logic prevailed and the heart got the backburner.  Maybe it’s no longer possible to be an astronaut, but you can still learn to play the piano, dance, or speak Italian, if those are some of the things you’ve always wanted to do.  Start by achieving little dreams, and light that fire within you again.

There is no delight in owning anything unshared. – Seneca

Welcome to Hong Kong.  Population: 7 million.  Welcome to Yangon.  Estimated population: 6 million.  Welcome to Tokyo.  Population: hovering around 13 million.  Welcome to Bangkok.  Population: 12 million and rising.

In the past few months, I’ve travelled through Asia, making pits stops in some of Asia’s most populated cities.  I’ve played Frogger crossing Bangkok’s chaotic streets in thick hazes of automotive exhaust.  I’ve crammed myself immobile into a Tokyo rush hour train.  I’ve disappeared into the confusing, dusty streets of Yangon while trying not to disappear altogether into the fathoms of the gaping sidewalk potholes.

It all started on an impromptu extended stay in Hong Kong, where population density felt the greatest with its glittering sea of skyscrapers.  Being in crowded cities is not new to me, but this time around, I found myself in a situation observing people and culture more.  To start, I had checked into a windowless, roughly 4-metre squared room in the infamous Chungking Mansion building, where an estimated 4,000 people live.  It was a mind-numbingly sterile, white cell requiring me to squeeze by my bed and hop over my backpack just to get to the bathroom, where the toilet and shower are conveniently one unit.  Not particularly comfortable in such tight quarters, I took to the streets, only to find myself shuffling shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers on the busy sidewalks.  There seemed to be no escape.

What could I do?  Smile, observe, and continue to do so for the remainder of my trip.

Maybe you’ve never been to a big Asian city before, but I’m sure you’ve experienced crowds of people in other parts of the world, whether it be New York, London, or Sao Paulo.  Or perhaps while leaving a popular concert en masse.  Being stuck in a nightmare traffic jam.  Waiting at the Driver’s License office on a Friday afternoon.  Yesterday, I was at the Toronto CNE, Canada’s largest fair.  During a rainstorm, like everyone else, I ducked into the Food Building and soon found myself squeezing into a long table eating lunch amongst a table of strangers.  And then I heard someone exclaim something I’m sure all of us had said at one point in our lives:

Why are there so many people?!?

Back in North America, where I often live, we have plenty of  space which has been abused to abandon.  In fact, this month’s issue of Toronto Life magazine is entitled “Exodus To The Burbs: The Houses Are Bigger.  The People Are Nicer.  The Commute Doesn’t Suck. “, though to be fair, the author actually moved to a smaller town, not a sprawling Toronto suburb.  However, if I had to define culture-shock, it wasn’t showing up in the packed streets of Hong Kong.  It was visiting an enormous suburban Walmart on my first day back in Canada while visiting my mother.   It was such a stark contrast from where I had came from.  I wandered the gaping aisles observing the space in awe, thinking of the golf-course sized parking lot outside, the huge bulk items that were meant to be stored in the huge homes nearby … and yet outside, the 6-lane roads were gradually jamming up with cars as rush hour approached.

It’s a crowded world.  The fact is, none of us chose to be here.  But we’re all here together.  Realistically, none of us have a right to more space than others, so it’s best if we remember how to share.  Here’s some pointers on how to make the most of it:

1. Share space.  I remember meeting up with one of my dance instructors, Lydia, in a particularly busy Hong Kong cafe.  We spotted two vacant seats at a table only occupied by a couple.  We sat down in the seats and the couple made a little extra room for us.  When they vacated, another duo came and instantly replaced them.  When Lydia and I left, our seats were filled again.  Sitting by yourself?  It’s the norm to share a table there.   In Tokyo, the culture is somewhat different, so tables are not shared.  However, during busy times, you eat your meals quickly to make room for the other customers or park yourself into a ramen (noodle) stall with other single diners.  Consequently, recognize that you don’t own a public space, even if you arrived somewhere first.  Someone arrives late to a movie and sits in the seat in front of you?  That’s what the seat was designed for!

2. Wait with patience.  Lineups are common in Asia.  As I’ve mentioned before, lineups in Japan are nicely formed long lines with space in between people.  In Malaysia, lineups sometimes form in tight, precarious zig-zag patterns, with the potential of someone cutting in front of you!  Line cutting aside, you more or less have to wait the same amount of time in both lines.  The bottom line is that waiting is common in Asia when there are so many people, and the locals accept that.  When I first arrived in Toronto, I remember there was a very minor backup boarding a bus as a man struggled to carry his luggage on.  I took notice that everyone behind him was rubbernecking impatiently on the holdup.  Perhaps our patience here is shorter so we don’t experience waiting quite as often.  Take notice of your waiting tolerance.  Then extend it as best as you can.

3. Accept and avoid complaining.  It’s easy to dislike cities like Yangon because it first appears as a dirty, crowded city.  The citizens there know that their city isn’t the best in terms of appearance, but they still make the best out of it.  Maybe your city is cleaner, but you simply have the fortune of better infrastructure, allowing the population impact to be hidden better.  When you leave the city in bumper-to-bumper traffic for the summer long weekend,  there’s not much you can do when your camping destination is packed to the brim with other people doing the same thing.  It’s going to be noisy – that’s just what happens when there’s lots of people.  Notice that they simply want the same thing you want.  You’re in the same boat.  Enjoy what you can or schedule your life outside other people’s hours.

4. Observe.  Once you’re able to accept, then maybe you can step it up with some observation.  Take something back with you.  Appreciate the differences of a crowded area.  See how people make the most of it and try it out yourself.  Learn something new.

5. Conserve space.  In Europe, it’s pretty much the norm to live in IKEA-esque optimized small spaces and drive small fuel-efficient cars.  It’s a shame that renting a small apartment or driving a subcompact vehicle here in North America will get you ridiculed for either 1) it’s lack of statement or 2) the suggestion that you are financially tight.  Don’t concern yourself with what other people think.  Even if you can afford a lot of space, be conscious of what you need as opposed to what you want or can afford.  Try to bring your wants closer to your needs.  Less is more.  Trust me.

6. Use the temple of your mind.  Eckhart Tolle wrote in The Power Of Now that the one of the very few good things about money is that it can buy space.   At the same time, he also mentioned that if you can’t afford space, as Mr. Tolle himself was once homeless, you always have the temple of your mind to enjoy your space.  Meditate, stay present, and be focused.

7. Practice kindness.  Many people find big cities unfriendly, but I still see acts of kindness all the time.  Hong Kong is crowded, but people will give up their seats for the elderly.  Give up your seat, hold a door open, thank the bus driver, and say “hello!” to strangers more.  If you live in a big city and perhaps have gradually become an unfriendly walking zombie, take this time to notice your defensiveness and now work on lightening up the people around you.  You have the choice not to join the legions of the grumpy.

8. Make small talk.  Within a week’s time, I made the transition from busy Tokyo to small town Nova Scotia, where people seem to have a knack for small talk.  Try bringing the small talk into the city.  Believe it or not, small talk can turn into big conversations as you practice talking to strangers more.  And here’s a tip for single guys:  That’s pretty much how you meet women you’re attracted to in daytime situations.  Don’t worry if you don’t fare so well – the likelihood you’ll run into her again in a big city is slim to none, so give it a shot!

I don’t get to live by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. – Tiger Woods

Today’s post is good-cause themed and to start, I’d like to share a very public dance instruction video I just recorded in Shibuya, Tokyo to raise money for Japan’s earthquake relief as well as the causes below.  If you are receiving this article in an email and don’t see the video, click here to go to the actual post.

Link: Red Cross For Japan

Timothy Ferriss is also offering a dollar for dollar match on a library building project, which is a no-brainer if you’re feeling the need to make a difference.   I’ve seen foreign-funded schools and libraries built in the most remote places (e.g. 5 day trek into the middle of the Himalayas).  Trust me, they make a difference.  Moreover, his post triggered me to finish a half-written article I had sitting on my phone.

For those of you who have been following me on Twitter or Facebook, you probably know that I have spent some time in the past few months in Myanmar (Burma).  Now that I’ve left the country, I can freely write about some of my reflections from my travels, albeit I run the risk of being banned from the country.

Myanmar was beautiful to visit, but my most memorable moments were not the sights I saw but my experiences with the people there.  The Burmese people are genuinely honest and friendly, and for such an incredibly poor country, you’d discover that it’s surprisingly safe (well, except for the roads).  It was really easy to interact with the people, and I found myself sharing my dance moves with the eager youth along with putting on the occasional village-gathering magic show.

However, through my conversations, I have shamefully discovered and confess that I have taken my education for granted.  I know I’ve divulged in previous posts that I have some doubts on the usefulness of some facets of higher education, but basic education should be universally available and free to all.

In Myanmar, unfortunately, it’s not.

In a country where the average person lives on approximately $1 per day, tuition that costs $100 a year and up is flat-out unaffordable.  On the surface, primary school is compulsory until age 9 (which is well below the international standard), but the reality is that parents have to pay school maintenance fees that start around $100 and increase each year.  Families try their best to scrape enough money to send their children to primary school, but much of the population (and the people I met) do not have education beyond the primary school level.

As a result, I uncomfortably witnessed ever-widening gaps in the wealth distribution (politics aside).  A few uber-rich bourgeois.  Most of the population?  Poor and playing lapdog to tourists and the aforementioned.  And yet, I saw so much potential in the Burmese people.

Some of you may be aware that politics and a military dictatorship bar foreign visitors from doing much to help, but we should never lose hope.  Here are some links to some charities that do have their foot in Myanmar:

Burma Children’s Fund

Child’s Dream

Coming back full circle, often times we feel constantly caught up and frustrated with the small things and forgot how much opportunity and conveniences we actually have.   A few weeks ago, I noticed through the Facebook feed that back at home, Toronto was going through a 3-day heat wave, and people were furiously complaining about something that couldn’t be changed.

All the while, it was more-or-less the same weather in Myanmar, except most of us could not escape the oppressing heat into an air conditioned store or building due to general non-availability of air conditioning and daily power outages.  I wanted to tweet out a gratitude reminder, but another thing I didn’t have was Internet – it already took me 5 minutes just to load my Facebook home page due to 1990′s Internet speed-levels and general censorship.

Most importantly, our opportunities stem from the education we all have access to.  We take for granted our opportunities and don’t see them just as we take for granted our education and forget where we’ve come from.  For example, during my stay in Myanmar, I noticed that whoever could get a website running on their tourist service would have a huge leverage in their industry, yet it’s nearly impossible for the average citizen to do this because of something as simple as not having access to a computer.  Relative to us, information access there is in the dark ages.

Conversely, back at home, I hear many people lament that they don’t have a website because of their lack of Internet knowledge, but the reality is that setting up a website simply involves a credit card, a few mouse clicks, and having a hosting website do all the work.  With information ridiculously (and excessively) abundant around us, not acting is simply laziness, willful ignorance, or a combination of both.

So that’s my reminder to you.  Maybe right now, your life situation isn’t optimal, and you don’t have everything you want.  But you have the foundation.  You have education.  You have easy access to more education and information, which includes self-learning (which forms the core of my current learning).  You really do have the opportunity to create your life.  And when things do start materializing, recognize your small successes early – don’t take them for granted.  Be grateful for where you’ve come from and remember to spread the karma and give back.

On a final note, if you are planning to visit Myanmar anytime soon, I need a favor that’s a little guerrilla mission type.  I met a young girl whose father had died, could not longer go to school, and had to work.   To make ends meet, she was selling souvenirs like many other kids.  However, the day I met her, I could feel that she didn’t really want to be touting, so I parlayed our meeting into a conversation.   As I spoke with her, I was surprised at how good her English was,much of it learned from an old dictionary I saw her clutching.  I could also see how eager she was to learn more.

That night, I searched the nearest town for books at her reading level but was unsuccessful.  She has so much potential, and it breaks my heart to see it go to waste.  I want to get some books out to her.  I’ll buy the books.  You bring them to her.

It’s been a month since the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, and it still preoccupies much of my attention  since it’s still affecting several of my friends.  I was actually supposed to go to Tokyo in April to explore the dance scene there, but had to shelve those plans in lieu of the disaster.  It somewhat left me in limbo location-wise, but if you’ve been watching my Twitter or Facebook posts, I’ve been coping decently by sublet-hopping every month.

It’s been a month, but slowly the world shifts its attention to more “pressing” matters, such as the tanking economy, high  gas prices, and conflicts in other parts of the world.  Japan’s tragedy was news then, but it’s not so much news now if you’re not Japanese.   Should our focus wax and wane depending on where the media attention is? Hey, whatever happened to Haiti?

News media is steering our attentions wherever they want and that’s a strong reason why I don’t follow the news.  If something’s important, it will reach me somehow.

It’s been a month, but as we return to our daily scheduled lives, we shouldn’t lose sight of our empathy, our human nature, our connectivity with everyone near us and around the world.  That we take time to break bread with good friends or family.  That constant mundane tasks such as doing our taxes, getting groceries after work, and generally maintaining our comfortable lifestyles doesn’t define our lives.  (For more on this, I recommend reading the “Urgent vs. Important” section in the book The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People)

Two weeks ago, I attended the funeral of a friend younger than me.  It wasn’t pleasant, yet it served as another reminder to not take for granted your loved ones and to live each day as if it were your last.  I converged with  several friends whom I haven’t seen in years, and we found ourselves playing catch-up with each others’ lives… at a funeral.  Did it really have to come to that?

But, returning back to my thoughts for today – Japan.

Japan is a great country.  Many people like Japan because of it’s extreme fashion, crazy pop culture, animation industry, or awesome electronics.   In my last post on Japan, I wrote about how I loved Japan for other things such as politeness, super-honesty, and diligence amongst other things.

It’s absolutely acceptable there to dress in an outlandish, alternative fashion or walk around in a maid outfit, but to act cool to the point of being rude or arrogant is not popular at all.  In fact, rudeness is so uncommon that there are “rude-themed” restaurants in Japan where the staff intentionally give poor service and mouth off brashly at you.  (On a humorous side note, a friend of mine once went not knowing anything about the bar and chastised his waitress for her behavior.  She immediately broke down and apologized profusely explaining it was her job to be obnoxious.)

It’s not acceptable  to be individualistic at the expense of others.

The above image was taken by a friend in Sendai, right in the middle of the earthquake zone.  The people in the photo have been lining up patiently for hours on end for their ration of basic supplies.   What’s remarkable is that everyone’s lining up with space to spare for everyone’s comfort. They’re not concerned about people cutting line – it just won’t happen.

I can’t imagine even seeing a 10-person line like this in an average fast food restaurant without people looking over shoulders or complaining about the service.  I first noticed spacious lineups in Osaka, Japan at a newly opened Krispy Kreme store (see last Japan post), but to see it in a disaster region is something else.

Furthermore, people only took what they needed, and not hoarded as much as they could get.  This is in stark contrast to some people’s reaction to say, the Y2K bug.  Stealing and looting is almost non-existent.  If we rewind bag to Japan’s last major earthquake in Kobe, the same contrast was evident in comparison to the L.A. riots which happened around the same time.

It’s our quest to be individualistic, or as I’ve heard many time before – “finding ourselves” – that the ego and our selfishness manifests itself.   This shows up in Western concepts such as more is better, and constant, unsustainable economic or corporate growth. 

More, more, more!

How about taking a zen approach where less is better?  How about recognizing that there is a greater happiness than our own? Believe it or not, it feels good to be part of the humankind collective, to put ourselves secondary knowing it increases the Gross National Happiness.  Understandably, my Japanese friends take pride in how their fellow nationals have responded in the aftermath.

Just poking at individualism sounds like the start of a communist manifesto, but it’s not.  Creating too strong of an identity for ourselves is what causes us to differentiate, and thus separate, ourselves from one another, and with it creates conflict.

To see our common journey and unity seems a much more harmonious way to live than say, survival of the fittest.  Some might say it’s too idealistic to work completely, but at the least, it seems much less stressful.

So let’s learn some things from the Japanese.   Let’s wear surgical masks in public whenever we have  a slight cold.  Let’s live within our needs and not wants.  Let’s live in a way where we are naturally considerate of others.

To conclude, I’d like to post something my friend Yusuke wrote from the Sendai earthquake region:

For 5 days, all I could was do something that does not require electricity such as reading books or playing card games. At the beginning of this inconvenient life, I felt bored.

Now, however, it is acceptable for me because I feel like I went back to my childhood and could find beautiful hearts that we have through helping each other. Also, on the street, I was surprised by absolutely fantastic stars because of the complete darkness. When we stop living as “human”, the earth changes itself to the nature. That was like a message from it to humans.

I have no question about that this earthquake will be a chance for us to think about what we are.

To help raise the spirits of my friends in Japan, I’ve launched a translation project to make risingbean.com in Japanese.  Please share with your Japanese friends, and to my friends in Japan, stay strong and unite!

Please read this if you’re suffering from a loss.  As I’m writing this, I’m feeling a little down and out from a loss right now.  Still, I feel  this moment is the best time to write since I can bridge space and time and give out empathy when I myself could use some comfort.

Firstly, feel better knowing that you are not alone. All of us go through cycles of despair, doubt, frustration, overwhelment, and insecurity.  I am writing this to you, so as I’ve  mentioned above, time is bridged for a connection.

Know that it will all get better in time.  It’s hard to believe, but if you look back on all the times you were down and out,  you eventually did move on.  It’s part of the human condition known as perserverance.  Remember that first breakup? If you’re a young reader and are nodding your head curious to read more, then just trust me, just give it some time  (and go out in the meantime!).

Use this time to strengthen yourself. There’s always a hidden lesson.  Don’t let problems, a bad dealing with someone, or a perceived betrayal harden you.  This is where you need to strengthen yourself by practicing universal love.  Give love when you feel like there’s nothing in you to give.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt.

If your business has gone sour, cherish your experiences, and realize you have an exciting new path ahead of you.  Opportunities come to those who open themselves to attracting them in, and those who see choices in all situations, particularly the challenging ones.  Most great things are born from a period of trial and error.

If a relationship has fallen apart – family, a business partnership, and particularly a romantic one – regardless of the circumstances or reasons, try to wish the other person the best in your heart (and mean it!).   This is what a part of unconditional love is.   It’s the best time to practice it.  You’ll thank yourself later, because instead of acquiring a jaded attitude to future relationships, you actually grow better.  Be grateful for the relationship.

If someone in your life has passed on, don’t let it translate into a fear of death.  Don’t dwell on the unfairness or the untimeliness of someone’s passing.  Embrace your mortality and realize you really need to live each day as if it were your last.  Allow things to be and don’t waste your energy in a state of resistance.

If you are physically incapacitated or suffer from some debilitating illness, recognize the body is only physical form.  Your mind is where your true power and energy lies.   The most brilliant people I’ve ever met have gone beyond their circumstances to make great achievements.  Those of us who are chronically “comfortable” actually have it the hardest – there is no drive other than to live out lives in mediocrity.

If you’re going through a job loss or are simply frustrated with work indifference, realize you have choice.  Believe it or not, you can choose a new path.  I did.  I spent 14 years in engineering before I decided to forge my way into the uncertain worlds of dancing and entrepreneurship.  You don’t need to wait so long.  Be brave.  Starting from the ground up can be exciting, not daunting.  If you’re free from employment, as Steve Jobs put it in his speech, it’s great to start all over as a beginner again.   If you’re not and want to live a little before the age of retirement (which doesn’t exist), start by trying a little something on the side today.

If you are overwhelmed and feel as if you have no time for yourself and you feel a loss of freedom, again, know that you have choice.  Spend that valuable time on finding ways to free your time.  Automate tasks.  Pay someone else to do it.   Don’t let principles stop you from saying no to getting outside help – whether it be business or within your household;  don’t let procrastination delay your freedom.

If your emotions are particularly strong at the moment, then embrace the feelings you have.  Observe them. If this concept seems unfamiliar, try to watch them like you’re an outside observer.  Let them be and they will settle.

In the space of time, we are but a mere blip in eternity (and even less than a blip, I would say).  The trials we have are experienced by generations over and over again, and right now, are experienced by perhaps hundreds of thousands of people in other parts of the world.  The earth is but an ordinary planet in the infinite cosmos.  Are our problems really that big in light of this?

I was chatting with a friend regarding how for most of us, once in a while when we see someone disabled, either physically or mentally, for a moment, we feel grateful for what we have.  Then, our day-to-day problems creep in, overwhelm us, and suddenly they seem bigger and more important than the end of the world.  Funny how that is.  Take notice of it.

So while you might be experiencing one of these problems (I know I am), someone else is experiencing another.  It’s important not to play the victim (if you have to sulk, give yourself a maximum time limit of a few days).  Then start asking yourself important questions such as: What is the opportunity here?  What can I learn here?

Instead of playing the victim, seriously answer those questions, and I promise you that your personal growth will skyrocket.   There is a balance in the universe.  With each seemingly negative experience, the positive outcome is there within it.  Personally, I wouldn’t trade any of my most challenging life problems for anything.

So, this is where I am right now.  There’s some sadness.  But I feel good that I’m sharing this moment with you, wherever you are, whenever it may be.

I’m spending some time as a guest at Stanford University right now, enjoying what the university offers and learning what I feel like without any academic pressure.  It’s pretty quiet here, and it seems like everyone is studying.  For me, it’s pretty relaxed, and I’m often drawn to riding around campus on an old ’72 Peugeot road bike I picked up at the local Goodwill.

Being at Stanford and all, I’m brought to remember Steve Jobs’ commencement speech here in 2005, which I often quote from.  Here’s another secret – I put it on my iPod and I must have listened to it at least 43.5 times over the past few years.   It has definitely pumped me in the direction of charting my own path.

I like most of the speech, but I’m a particular fan of “keep looking, don’t settle” (if you haven’t found what you love) with regards to all aspects of life.  It’s nothing new, but a great reminder.  A really great reminder.  It’s also nice hearing it from someone’s actual experiences, and Steve Jobs’ professional life has been very public.

Caring means sharing, so here’s a link to an edited version of the speech I made (right click to save), free of the pre-speech and the commentator remarks – perfect for listening to over and over and over again.

Click here for the full text of his speech.

Mary Schmich penned the article  “Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young” many years ago to which my Sunscreen Song Tribute is derived from.

Following the release of my video on Timothy Ferriss’ blog, a lot of people asked me for some life advice.  The truth is, just like Tim wrote about himself in his book, I’m not dirty rich nor do I wish to be.   I’m actually still on the path and don’t believe I’ve made it … yet(*).

I drive a 12-year old Honda Civic which I mostly maintain myself.  My sister-in-law gives me homecuts (albeit very good homecuts).  I’ve never owned a dishwasher, though I fantasize once in a while about having one in the distant future.  Instead of dinner and a movie dates, I choose “cost-efficient” dates such as going to public markets, having impromptu picnics, and surfing vintage thrift stores.

However, I will readily admit that I have planted the seed, and I am on a very good path.

Like one of the other featured people in Tim’s post, soultraveler3, who travels  around the world with her family on 25,000 dollars a year while her daughter plays the violin at each hop, I just don’t want to die with my song still in me.

I also feel that it’s pretty easy for people to write about their successes after they’ve made it, so I think it would be an interesting change for people to be reading from someone who’s only on the path to “making it”.

I’ve pretty much lived my life in reverse.  As a young, single dad many years ago, I was unwillingly forced to grow up very fast until it I couldn’t handle it any longer.  Then, a miraculous thing happened – I looked within myself and realized I was creating my unhappiness.  I realized I was the source of frustration -  and in short,  that was the start of how I became younger as I grew older.

Hopefully, I haven’t let good advice be wasted in my youth, so here is my advice for those who dare to aspire, for those who want to get younger as they grow older, from my youth to everyone of all ages:

Don’t worry about what other people think of you.  It’s mostly in your head.  You will be criticized and mocked (often by the ones closest to you) when you go out on a limb, but that is where all the fruit is.

Follow your intuition.  Men, this is particularly relevant to you since we tend to look at things too objectively.

Be okay with failure and rejection.

Be okay with losing friends who don’t support your new direction.  You will attract the right people into your life if you stay focused and on track.

Recognize the small successes for what they are – a seed planted for something bigger.

Stop judging others or yourself.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt.  In current terms, don’t be a hater.

Do one thing every day that scares you.  Mary Schmich wrote this in her article.  Lululemon reusable shopping bags have this written clearly on them.  I wrote about my experiences trying this concept out too.

Keep your mind active and always be learning something.  Be a lifelong student.  Be nice to beginners  (newbies, noobs), because if you make the lifelong learning habit, you will always be a “noob” at something.  More importantly, be humble.

Don’t concern yourself with being right (and making others wrong).  More often than not, it’s better just to be happy.

See your problems as either challenges or preferably opportunities.  I will admit that this is harder than it sounds yet it is so important.  Looking back on my life, I wouldn’t trade any of my so-called problems for the world, as they’ve taught me so much and brought me to where I am.  From them, I’ve learned acceptance, understanding, compassion, courage, and so much more.   Change your perspective and soon enough, you’ll be having good problems (e.g. Who should I ask out tonight – Betty or Veronica?)

Let go.  Accept the things you can’t change.  What you don’t accept will eat you up on the inside, and will synchronistically age you on the outside.  I’ll repeat it again -  Let go.

Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.  On the other side of fear lies freedom.

Celebrate your successes or achievements, but don’t let them inflate your ego.  Your accomplishments do not make you a better person than anyone else.

Be flexible.

Stay fit.  Your body is the most important possession you will ever have in this world, so take care of it with that in mind.  If you owned a Maserati, you wouldn’t put low octane fuel into it, so treat your body likewise.

Give value to other people.  Don’t think so much about what you can get.  It will come in due time, when you least expect it.

Lift with your knees.

Do what you love.  Working hard or working smart doesn’t mean much if you don’t love what you do.  Again, focus on giving value.  It’s a reward in itself.  Steve Jobs said it best:  If you haven’t found (what you love) yet, keep looking.  Don’t settle.

Simplify.  Don’t accumulate too many things.  They only tie you down and clutter your mind.

Look for similarities in other people, rather than differences.

Stop watching TV.

Create an action habit.  The Law of Attraction doesn’t work without some action.

Practice patience.

Take responsibility for your own actions.  Stop blaming others for your circumstances.

Write down your goals.

Review your goals.

And of course … above all else, wear sunscreen

(*) The notion of “making it” or “success” is purely subjective.   To some people, I may have made it.  To others, no.  Like I mention in the post, always be a student on the path.   Enjoy the journey, not the destination.

I’ve been sidetracked on my other projects because I really wanted to put this video out there before the year end.  I’m really happy to have the freedom to work on a creative project with no real purpose other than to put some good energy out into the universe.   It’s a video I’ve compiled from the video I’ve taken in my adventures and activities over the past few years (too bad I only started doing video a year ago!).

I’m not trying to tell everyone to do everything possible, but rather inspire people to live more freely.  If it inspires you, and you like it, please share.  I would like a video with a good message to spread out there rather than the negative conflict-driven material that often consumes us.  The song is “Everybody’s Free (Wear Sunscreen)” voiced by Baz Luhrmann.  It’s been 10 years since it came out and this is my 10-year tribute.  Again, feel free to share with as many people as possible.

All the best,

Ki’une

Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)  lyrics:

by Baz Luhrmann (written by Mary Schmich)

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Continuing on my thoughts on the “Children Full of Life” series, I thought about how I consider my son to be a great teacher after watching the above clip (part 3).  Children see things differently, and it’s important to treat them as equals.  Recently, I’ve facing quite a lot of uncertainty as I uproot myself from my current routines and try something new.  I try my best to keep centered, but last week, my son asked me:

“Daddy, where’s your happy face?”

Xeius went on about how I used to always have it, and recently I didn’t.  He was right.  My worry was written all over my face, and I probably was affecting the people around me and particularly him.  I remember the last time I faced such uncertainty, it was when I had him.  Xeius came at what I could say was an inconvenient time, and I wasn’t prepared to be a father.  Funny how things have changed and now he’s my teacher.

So, often I observe my son for simplicity.  For example, he’s got a LOT of fancy toys given to him by lots of people who love him.  When he’s visiting me, I don’t have a lot of toys to offer him, but he doesn’t care.  He can spend hours on end searching and playing with bugs under rocks, riding a bike with me, or by making new friends in the playground.

The same applies for me and all of us adults.  Does everything have to be so complicated?  The Buddha said that all suffering comes from desire, so somehow when we became adults, we adopted a rabid obsession to accumulate – material, prestige, even experiences – which only causes an unending  cycle of wanting and unhappiness.  I think about a segment of the song “Where’s the Love” by the Black Eyed Peas:

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m getting older y’all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction

Going back to the the documentary and the theme of compassion, I reflect upon compassion lost as adults.  For sure, it definitely helps to teach children compassion, perspective, and empathy, but for ourselves we can’t blame our current circumstances on our upbringing.  I wasn’t raised as well as the kids in that class to be compassionate, nor do I consider myself to be a truly compassionate person.   But it is something that I feel is within me and I can bring it out.

It’s so much easier to see everyone as one – look for similarities, not differences.

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to practice compassion.  I biked too close to a woman crossing the road and she reacted and screamed at me, “Watch where you’re going, you bloody idiot!” .  I felt a little defensive at first, but I was quick to apologize realizing I might have invaded her personal space.  She was so surprised to hear an apology that she blushed, and by the end of the conversation, we were wishing each other a good day.

So, mimic a child if you can today.  Simplify.  After all, aren’t we all really children when we truly live in the moment?

This video series on how Japanese kids are taught compassion sparked a thought.  A good friend of mine and mentor, George, often discusses with me his vision of what schools should be like.   He tells me that they should go beyond the formal institutions that they are now and teach necessary life skills.  In some ways, community colleges seem to address this more than many prestigious universities.  They’re practical and down to earth.

George was a dropout who lived off the streets for almost a decade before picking himself up and becoming a successful entrepreneur.  I myself took the opposite route – I went to university, finished a challenging engineering degree, and did the grind until I realized it was not for me.  I also realized almost all the heavy theory I learned in school had no practical application in the workplace.  Many of my colleagues told me the same.  For the people skills that I really needed, I had to go out and learn them on my own – through traveling, taking Toastmasters, social dynamics, etc.

So when George and I converge and talk about school, we come from two different backgrounds but see eye to eye.  George tells me he ultimately hopes to contribute to society by building his vision of a school – one that teaches social skills,  life skills, coping with failure, taking risks, etc.  I truly hope it happens.  If it does, then I hope the lessons in compassion  taught to Japanese grade-schoolers in that video are included as a mandatory course.