Two years ago, when I first went temporarily homeless willingly, it was a bittersweet pill to swallow.  I had quietly left Toronto with little support, and actually, to a bit of criticism.  As I tucked my -10 degree sleeping bag over myself in preparation for a cold night in my car, somewhere along the interstate between Wisconsin and South Dakota, I confess I felt a little alone with a tinge of self-pity over my life situation.

I wasn’t used to not knowing where I would be the next day or week.  I wasn’t used to not having a familiar place to return to.  I wasn’t used to the uncertainty.   I wasn’t sure how long I could pull of such a lifestyle or if I had made the right choice.  I wasn’t used to being in the full driver seat of my life and having so much control over my time and location.

So there I was, watching the snow fall on my car, lost in a moment of doubt, wondering if the next days, weeks, and months would lead to something fruitful…

…

Fortunately, it was a short-lived moment because I remembered, this is what I wanted.

I wanted to pick up and leave off, not weighed down by a long rent lease or mortgage payments.

I wanted to live somewhere else in the world.

I wanted to know what life was like for other people, outside my familiar surroundings.

I wanted the freedom to go wherever, whenever, I pleased.

That was my first taste of that life.  And I loved it.  It wasn’t long ago, but thinking of sleeping by myself in that cold car and cooking breakfast at a Walmart picnic table the next morning sounds beautifully nostalgic now.  It was the start of discovering some purpose in my life, and that I was moving towards that unknown purpose.

Since then, if you’ve followed me on Twitter or Facebook, you’ve probably seen that I’ve moved around quite a bit, often finding a place to stay, but sometimes not.  Every time I cross a border and fill in the entry card, I’m not sure what to write when I reach the “Address of Accommodations” box.  I’ve been homeless at times on two continents since that first night in my car and must have slept in over 50 different places in the past year.  Let me set something straight though.  I’m not glamourizing being homeless because I know it’s not always great for those who haven’t chosen it.  Being homeless may sound bad to most, but in my case, it’s not.  It’s like a side salad that comes with my choices, and I accept it graciously.

Many posts ago, I turned a few heads when I wrote that if you want something, you have to want it really badly, almost like it’s a life-threatening situation.  Really think about that again.  If there’s something you want, what are you willing to do for it?  What comforts and routines are you willing to give up?

I see this situation all the time now.  I see someone who wants something really bad, gets a momentary adrenaline pump, and genuinely seems to want to go for it.  And then, reality, other people’s reality, kicks them in the butt.  “Reality” people bombard the dreamers with their “expertise”, tell them the flaws with their plan, or raise doubt in the dreamer’s mind:  It’s already been done.  What are you going to do when you come back?  How are you going to survive? No one’s done that before.  (To me, the last statement sounds like opportunity!)

Alas, as soon as the dream has come, it just as quickly disappears.  The rookie dreamer realizes he/she can’t give up their security, lifestyle, or even creature comforts to pursue a dream.  They sink back into their routines.  The dream becomes taboo to talk about – regret brushed under the carpet.  I don’t blame them.  Once you get stuck in a certain familiar lifestyle and routine, it’s hard to enact change.

Perhaps it’s not natural to experience so much upheaval and uncertainty.  For many people, even a mild disruption to their daily patterns – a subway delay, bad coffee, daylight savings time (the lose-an-hour spring one) – warrants a mild panic attack or generates enough cause for a rant.  Maybe unpredictability shortens your life, but I’d choose a short, well-lived life over a long, mediocre one in a heartbeat.

Look, you don’t have to liquidate your house and assets and leave like I did to pursue a dream or to live on purpose.  But what about eliminating some excess in your life?  How about trimming some of that fat, like the time wasted accumulating things or trying to please everyone in your life?  What about negotiating more free time for yourself?  What about giving up a few hours of sleep or TV each night to work on something important?  What about seriously breaking your old programming, your old routines, and your definition of reality?

The late Steve Jobs said, “Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.”   Digest what Steve said for a moment.  Then turn the switch on.

Now,

…

… define your reality.

…

…

Next,

…

… believe in it!

The following excerpt is written by my good friend, George, who’s posted here before.  George is a high school dropout turned financially free, self-made business owner and serial entrepreneur.  This time around, he brings his sarcasm and wit to talk about personal empowerment.

“In our life time, family will be a thing of the past, prostitution will be legal, medication will be treated like morning coffee, and taxation will be instantaneous. Isn’t the future great!”

- Anonymous

As I am walking to the tanning studio, I see one, two, then three new mobility scooters zip past me, which I assume are for people having a hard time walking or just can’t walk. But something does not smell right to me – two to three years ago, when there were almost no scooters on the street in my neighbourhood, were all these people just stuck in their apartments?

I enter the tanning studio and say hello to my tanning host, Tasha.  I also spot two older women in their late 50’s or early 60’s sitting, and I guess, waiting for their turn.  One has superb legs for her age, and I can tell she knows it.  She has a short skirt on, accentuating her legs.  After overhearing a few typical flirty exchanges with Tasha, one of the women speaks up:  “Well aren’t we a little cocky today?”

I smile and reply, “It’s only confidence with a strong foundation of self-worth”.

After a few more exchanges she remarks, “You know, I know what being sure of yourself is.  I had more surgeries on my foot then I can count and I refuse to give up”.  I look at her foot and in astonishment, I see that all her toes have been amputated and she wears two costume shoes to conceal her impairment.  I was baffled at how she was able to balance herself.  Amazing.

Now I really like this lady – she’s hard-headed, refuses to give up, and looks after herself (even though she smokes, but who cares).  I proceed to tell her about all the people I saw on mobility scooters while coming to the studio.

She smugly replies, “Ha!  My doctor tried pushing me on to one of those.  I told him he was out of his fucking mind”.   We then discuss old age homes, and how both of us would fight to the very end before living in one of those graveyards.

A healthy balance in life does include admitting that you will need someone’s help one day.  We collect credits (as I like to call them) by helping friends and family now, and the day will come for all of us when we need to cash in the credits and ask for help.  But giving up and stuffing your face with fast food, feeling depressed in wintertime and asking for a blue pill, or smoking 2 packs a day and then asking your doctor to hook you up with a scooter, is just shameful.

Eat, smoke, and feel blue – but take responsibility. What are you saying to your fellow man and kids growing up?  Seeing this sends a strong messag: It’s okay to give up, because papa government will look after you.

I have a challenge for anyone reading this article and not agreeing just a little.

1. Go to any Chinatown and try finding mobility scooters. Count the canes, strollers, and wheelchairs.  You will see a few canes but no scooters. It’s also a good idea to count the old people as well.  Since you’re there, also count the overweight people (good luck on that one).

2. Now leave Chinatown and start counting again.

There are places in the world, particularly North America and some Western European nations, where no one is allowed to fall through the cracks. In these countries, if you fall, you’re given prescription remedies, scooters, shitty checks, or maybe if you are lucky – the walking dead to live with. Some of these remedies are a slow downward spiral to nothingness – they KILL the human spirit.

All great life changing events come from misery.  95% of this misery is our own faults and 5% is just life throwing you a curve-ball, because shit happens. This is the stuff that makes us great, makes our society healthy, and pushes us to rely on the greatest thing life gives all of us – the “each other”, the great virtues of life such as humility, compassion, mentoring, and facing fears.

What can we do? Well, when I spend a length of time back in Eastern Europe, my native home,  I notice an interesting trait amongst the locals, that could be seen as a double edged sword – but I think the positives outweighs the negatives. If you’re a woman and walking around the city with a nice shiny black eye, at least four strangers a day have to ask what happened to you.  This can be annoying, especially if all you did was walk into a door, but if your husband is beating you, you will get scolded with, “Who is this man?”, “Why are you still with him?”, “Does your father know?”, and so on.

Based on this, what I recommend is to start by talking to your friends more about what you really think about yourself, life, society, and them. Start taking a chance to let the world see you with all your wonderful warts; this will give you the right to point theirs out.  A true friend risks the friendship to let them know when they’re fucking up, e.g. “Hey Frank, you look like shit and if you stuff another greasy burger in your mouth, I will drown you in the pool.”

I will finish with this with a quick story.  I had a childhood friend of mine who allowed his phobias to run his life – in the end, he died young under questionable circumstances.  His death I couldn’t control, but I will always feel guilty not giving him a piece of my mind.  All I had to do was tell him how I thought and felt.  But instead, I never picked up the phone because I didn’t want to be uncomfortable.  Well, I will not make that mistake again.

In life, we see things around us, and because so many other people are doing it, we think the tide of change is pointing towards a new direction, and it must be good.  Well, I am here to tell you some tides are meant to drown us.  Don’t just give in and have them carry you away wherever they may go.  Take control, recognize the bad tides, and swim like hell the other way – even if you have no toes!

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”
- Mark Twain

(Note: I wrote this article in March, but delayed publishing it until today)

Three years ago to this day, I was unceremoniously fired from my job.  At the time, I felt like a big failure.  After all, no one got fired from the company I worked at.  It was such a big deal that I pretty lost touch with all my peers there, because I guess, I was outside the “circle of trust” now.  My job was a pretty good gig – fairly interesting work, a nice view of downtown Toronto, good people, competitive pay… everything that added up to mediocre satisfaction.

Getting fired was awkward and embarrassing for me, and it still takes me a bit of courage to write this post as well as the letter later on below.

The truth is, my (many) superiors were right in seeing my decline and giving me a way out.  I couldn’t do it anymore.  I was a pretty good software engineer/Dilbert with several years of experience.  However, I was getting tired.  I traded my raises for more vacation time, and it still wasn’t enough.  I hated travelling in short spurts and whirlwind vacations.  I hated scheduling family time around a limiting work schedule.

Physically, I was worn down.  My eyes got tired while my head hurt as I stared at a computer screen for hours on end.  I felt stiff from sitting in one spot for such long periods of time.  I did my best to counteract the negative physical effects by biking an hour to work in good weather, hiking eight flights of stairs up to my office, and doing yoga during lunch; but they were all really weak attempts to patch a greater problem.

Mentally, I was at my wit’s end.  There was nothing I was working on that stimulated me.  Day in and day out, I had nothing to look forward to but the same massive chunk of programming code.  I was trading my time away for perceived security and comfort.

During employee reviews, I requested transfers to other departments to explore other lines of work as well as to go part-time, which only raised the alarms.  Other positions might have been a change but most likely would have been even more mind-numbing.

In all honesty, I was looking elsewhere already, and had begun tinkering away on side businesses, but it was difficult to do both at the same time since the 9-5 was draining all my time.  I was taking too long to get it together to leave – I didn’t know what life was like anymore outside the 9-5.

脱サラする Datsu-sara suru (Freedom From Work For Work’s Sake)

Fast forward to today.  Things are better.  Much better.  And I have discovered getting fired was one of the greatest opportunities ever handed to me.  So today, I  wrote a letter of appreciation to the people who fired me:

Dear Alvin/Simon/Theodore,

I am writing this letter with sincere gratitude and appreciation for your part in terminating my employment with Initech three years ago.   It wasn’t obvious then, but now I see it as one of the greatest opportunities that has ever happened to me.

At the time, it was clear that I was in a physical and mental decline  from the work I was doing, and that I was seeking a different line of creative work which Initech didn’t offer.  Coupled with headaches from staring at a monitor for so long, my work output wasn’t what it used to be.  After being terminated, with no desire to return to a similar position, I chose to start a number of small businesses.  It was an uncertain beginning, but a refreshing one.  My creative energy returned, and I felt highly motivated as I put my energy into my own projects.

Surprisingly, as I started doing what I loved to do, the businesses did well, and I was able to free my time.  Now,  I have much more time to spend with my family, to learn new skills, to travel, and to contribute back.  I believe I would have been on this path regardless, but it would have taken much longer without your intervention.

I sincerely apologize that I put you in such a difficult position, and I am confessedly ashamed for my lack of courage to leave Initech first.  That was the last time I let my fears own me.  Again, I really want to thank you for your part in making the decision to let me go, or, as I see it these days, to set me free.

All the best,

Ki’une

Perhaps you’re reading this wishing for the same.  I can’t tell you to cut loose – I understand how difficult it is.  I was building the courage and capital to leave, but honestly, I would have painfully sucked it up for another year or two (i.e. an eternity) while doing my own thing on the side.

Don’t sit there counting the pros and the cons of your life situation – you’re just going to get stuck in the paralysis of analysis.  I can tell you that if your daily work routine is eating you up inside, you need to listen to your heart, take action, and start moving in the direction of where you want to be.  That alone will make your heart beat again.  For me, even thinking of all the years I spent in my previous jobs – the confining cubicles, the mind-numbingly grey atmosphere, the draining repetition, the late hours, the bad coffee, etc. – it makes me cringe.

Please use my story as a life lesson.  Please don’t be conquered by your mental fears (fear of failure, fear of what other people think, fear of being broke).  Please don’t put your fate in the hands of others.  Please don’t wait for others to take action.  Please don’t get to the end of your life regretting all the risks you didn’t take.

We don’t have a lot of time here, so if you really want change, if you really want something, you have to do something about it NOW.

Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy. — Kahlil Gibran

The following is a correspondence between a reader and myself, with some additional thoughts.   Edward chose a path in animation but recently discovered his passion was no longer there, and now he faces the choice of abandoning everything’s he built up until now if he chooses to venture on a new path.

————————

Ki’une,

Hello, my name is Edward, I’m from England and I’m a fan of yours. Being white and uncoordinated I was looking up ways to dance in clubs without embarrassing myself and I stumbled across your videos, and subsequently your blog. Your articles and your sunscreen video are a source of major inspiration to me, and lead me to question the way that I am leading my life, which I can’t thank you enough for.

I’m contacting you today because I’m looking for some guidance. I realise this isn’t your job or what you do and that you don’t know me from Adam (or I, you), but I am very interested in your outlook on my situation. Will you hear me out? If not, just ignore me, I won’t take it personal. I understand that this is all a little long winded and probably boring, but if you have the time I could really use your advice.
This is the bare bones of my situation;

I’m currently in the first year of an animation degree course. Three years ago I decided that I would become an animator. I made it my goal in life, and I was fixated on achieving it. I successfully made it into one of the best animation courses in the country and I am on the road to my goal as I planned. But once I made it onto the course and began in September I’ve been feeling my passion for animation slip away. Looking back I came to realise how my choice to pursue this dream was motivated only by the fact that I was scared of being a nobody and just drifting through life.

I haven’t been enjoying the course, but I’ve been lying to myself that I have. I’ve pushed through but I’m beginning to see the life I would have as an animator as undesirable. I’ve simply ceased to feel as though it is my purpose in life. I keep telling myself that my passion will return but the longer I cling on to my denial the more I wonder; am I just settling for animation? Just because ‘it’s the route I’m already headed down’ and ‘I’ve invested too much to quit’? I was scared of drifting through life, and now I realise that all I’ve done is determine the path I’m being swept down. I thought I was following my dream but now I realise I’m just settling.

I’m very happy with my life in the town where my uni is, but deep down I know that animation isn’t my dream anymore, which saddens me. For the first time in years my future is suddenly up in the air and I realise that I may have no other choice then to ‘start all over again’. Have you ever pursued something a dream and when it was in your grasp realised that the journey to get there had changed you and what you wanted so much so that your dream wasn’t even desirable to you anymore?

Thanks for putting up with reading that, I’d really appreciate a response – I’m not expecting you to magically make everything simple or solve all my problems, I just want to know what you think about it, as a person who also chases his dreams. Thank you.

~ Edward

————————

Below is my response:

Edward,

Believe it or not, I trained in computer animation when I was in second year university.  I was doing an engineering degree, wanted more creativity, and gave it a shot.  I co-oped in the industry, found out it was a labor farm and not as creative as I thought it would be, and decided it was not for me.  However, now that I do my own video projects, animation is much more interesting.

From my point of view, wanting to change when you’re only in the first year is a fantastic realization.  I painfully trudged through my engineering degree, and to this day, I still carry some regrets on not changing out. I also carry the weight of staying in a job I didn’t like for many years, which I will blog about in 1 or 2 articles.  Obviously, I don’t use almost anything I learned in school, and have carved my life out of whatever I set my heart to.

If you don’t know what to do, which many young people don’t, knowing what you DON’T want to do is just as good.

Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him.

- Carlos Castaneda

All the best,
Ki’une

————————

My additional thoughts:

There’s a well-known factoid that we’re supposed to change careers 7 times in our lifetimes, but from my point of view, especially from people who have specialized post-secondary educations, it’s closer to zero.  Maybe you’ll switch departments, switch companies, or move to a dreaded (but well-paying) project management role, but for many, it all leads towards some form of monotony.  If you’ve ever watched the cult film Office Space, and noticed a scary resemblance to your own office life, then you’ll totally understand.

Here’s the situation breakdown.  You picked a path, built up so much momentum that it becomes seemingly impossible to turn back.    Edward’s lucky.  From my point of view, he’s pretty young and smart for that matter to take notice he’s headed towards many years of unhappiness.  When I was his age, I saw my department councillor to discuss if computer/electrical engineering was right for me.   The problem is, she also graduated from electrical engineering and did and couldn’t give me any straight answers.  I think if she just told me something cliche but meaningful like “follow your heart and the rest will follow”, I may have charted a new route, though of course, I was admittedly leaving my fate on the tip of someone else’s tongue.

Similarly, I can’t tell Edward what to do.  He has to take responsibility for his own decisions.  I can only share my own experiences from an action point of view.

What about you? Perhaps you can’t just jump ship right away.

It’s hard.  I’ve heard it before.  I once had a close colleague who tasted entrepreneurship before in her teenage years and frequently tinkered with the idea of starting up again at the water cooler.  When I parted ways from the company, I sought solace by asking her when she was planning to go out on his own.  Her response?  It’s hard.

I totally understand.  As you read in my response, I didn’t break free for a long time.   To be fair, I had many, many things going on the side, though engineering still consumed 80% of my attention.  I seriously built up my life as a Dilbert replica, from good grades to a good education to a good company, which you’ll read about more in later posts.

So perhaps you can’t jump ship quite so quickly, but if you have the option, recognize it as a rare opportunity.    You do, however, have to start investigating new avenues.  Just the searching part alone will reinvigorate your soul and you’ll be happier immediately.

Don’t waste any time weighing the  pros and cons if your heart has already spoken.  As Edward wrote, don’t lie to yourself and deny your heart.  Start moving.

————————

Edward’s follow-up I received today:

Ki’une,

Thank you again for the guidance you gave me the other day. I want you to know that I have since taken action and have quit my course, signed off, handed in my student card and threw out most of the work I didn’t need any more. I did all of this with a smile on my face. I was quite shocked by some people’s response to my quitting, most people have been really good about it. My tutors said ‘Good for you, that’s not an easy decision to come to and there will be people in your year now feeling the same way who won’t have the courage to quit and will finish the degree realising only then that they don’t want to work in animation’.

I don’t know where my life is headed or what will happen next, but I know now that it doesn’t matter, I’m not headed down the wrong road and if I keep searching the right one will present itself to me one day. Until then, it’s just important to enjoy the ride. I’m taking a train home soon to go and tell my parents what I’m doing, although I’m dreading it slightly, I have confidence in my decision, and that’s a kind of stability in it’s own way.

Thanks again,

~ Edward

Final thoughts.

Rarely do I see people express discontent and follow through with taking action about their life situation.  I truly believe Edward’s got many special things lined up for him.  Perhaps you’re in the same boat.  If you are, I hope our stories make you take a good look at where you heart wants you to go.

Beware what you set your heart upon, for it surely shall be yours.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To know you have enough is to be rich.”
-  Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching

February was an interesting one for sure.  Feeling the need for a change of scenery, I escaped Toronto’s frosty winter to be more productive amidst Vancouver’s dreamy mountain setting.  I had arranged to sublet a place I’ve never seen before.  I had also arranged with my friend Derek, whom I hadn’t seen in  a while, to pick me up at the airport.  To my surprise, he arrived in a Porsche – one of two he drives.

Derek had recently come into a lot of money.  Two years ago, he was working as a security guard at a condominium.  Now things were different.  He whisked me to his palatial 10 million dollar mansion in Vancouver’s most expensive neighborhood to show me the amazing view of the bay and mountains, the fully stocked vintage wine cellar, and the $100,000 state-of-the-art karaoke system.   “Neat”, I thought.

After grabbing a quick bite, Derek took me downtown to show me his empty 2-story penthouse condo that occupied the entire floor.  The view was spectacular, and I never knew that a condo could have more space than a large house.  The condo was rarely occupied since he and his girlfriend spent most of their time at the mansion.

After relaxing at the condo for a bit, he took me to my sublet – the one I hadn’t seen yet.

The difference was staggering.

The place I had rented was a dark, basement apartment with little heating.  The carpet was heavily soiled from the several tenants who had came and went over the past few decades.  The faded, flickering fluorescent tubes in the bathroom meant I had to shower in near darkness.  My bed was an old mattress on the ground.  My desk chair was an uncomfortable lawn chair with two should-have-been-thrown-out-a-long-time-ago, yellowish pillows stacked on it.  Of course, I had the company of a mouse or two.  Everywhere there were stains, stains, and more stains…

Derek politely offered me a room in his mansion instead.

Fortunately however, I saw an opportunity.  I loved the contrast, and thought it would be a great lifestyle experiment to live between the two places – the palaces by day, my shanty basement by night.  I declined Derek’s offer and settled into my new dungeon of sorts.

I spent most of the next morning cleaning up as best as I could – replacing the lighting, buying a desk chair from a nearby thrift store, and borrowing a 1987 Toyota Corolla to drive around town.  Even if I was to live here for only a month, I wasn’t going to inconvenience myself.   Derek invited me to his condo in the afternoon.   I plodded my way there in the ’87 Corolla, and it was kind of amusing to see it parked beside the Porsche.  We spent some time hanging out in the condo, but it really felt empty with just the two of us there.  After admiring the view, there really wasn’t much for me to do there.

As the days progressed, my lifestyle experiment didn’t quite go as I had planned… or maybe it did?   I didn’t spend as much time in Derek’s residences as I thought I would, and was pretty content with my current living situation.  I didn’t like working in the basement apartment, so I was forced to go out.  Most days, I took the bus downtown and spent my time in the library, coffee shops, and other public places.  During my breaks, I would scoot around the busy downtown area and meet new people.

Other days, I enjoyed exploring my local neighborhood.  I discovered many independent businesses, some great vegetarian restaurants, and many charming coffee shops to work in.   Derek’s neighborhood, on the other hand, had nothing within walking vicinity.  It was just a long street lined with mansion after mansion.  Just walking past three properties took 10 minutes or so.

Mostly, I liked the “dungeon” simply because it was my own space.  In fact, as I got comfortable, it stopped being a “dungeon” and became my home.

In short, I was really happy to discover that beyond enjoying the luxuries presented to me, I had no strong desire to immerse myself in them just because they were there.   My happiness was not consumer-based.  This was a really important re-affirmation to me, because many of the routes I plan on embarking on typically won’t be lined with 5-star luxury hotels, physically and metaphorically speaking.

Coming from an abundance mindset, I didn’t reject anything presented to me; I just felt happy with what I had.  I could live the high life with equal satisfaction to the “low life”.  In fact, having lived in 7 places in the past 7 months has really forced me to simplify, and everything Derek had actually looked like a burden (to which he agrees).

In short, I’m happy where I am and count my riches as all the things I already have that money can’t buy.

To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter. . .to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird’s nest or a wildflower in spring – these are some of the rewards of the simple life.
-   John Burroughs

]]> http://www.risingbean.com/2011/03/lifestyle-experiment-rags-to-riches-and-back/feed/ 17 http://www.risingbean.com/2010/10/dont-worry-about-the-competition-it-doesnt-exist/ http://www.risingbean.com/2010/10/dont-worry-about-the-competition-it-doesnt-exist/#comments Sat, 23 Oct 2010 03:30:07 +0000 ki'une http://www.risingbean.com/?p=625

George is the only business mentor I have, but he’s actually more like a great friend. We first met when he approached me through a Craigslist ad I posted offering dance lessons. He had two left feet and immediately took a liking to me. About two years ago, I remember we were sitting down having a conversation at a startup neighborhood Thai restaurant. I had some ventures I was considering pursuing, and I threw them along with my concerns to him.

With my dance business, I told him that there was competition out there, and that their products looked very good.

He emphatically responded, “Don’t worry about the competition. It doesn’t exist.”

He pointed out that I was a good teacher, that I really walked (or danced) my talk, and that I had something special going for me. I tried really hard to believe him, but as a fledgling entrepreneur, I reserved some skepticism.

Continuing on with his own experiences from his successful business, George related to me how most of his fears never came to pass.  The competition never invaded on his share of the pie.  The competition never really stole his ideas.

In fact, the competition never materialized.

George continued: “It’s funny. My business partner and I were talking about our company the other day. We have a bizarre business, but what we do is very simple. If you took some time to go through our most popular web pages, you’ll know exactly what we do and probably could replicate it. And yet, over the years, no one has tried doing what we do.”

Here are some more tips from George, along with some of my own reflections:

1. Share Your Ideas With Smart People.

George:

Most people new to business are very protective of their ideas.  They’re too worried about people stealing them.  My advice is to share them with smart people, people who are in business.  When you share your ideas with successful entrepreneurs, almost all of the time they’re too busy with their own good ideas to steal yours.   Even better, they’re neutral.  Their feedback includes a list of reasons why your ideas are good, and some reasons why they are bad.

Don’t share your ideas with people who aren’t in business.  They’re useless.  They’ll just tell you how someone else is doing it and kill your idea before it even hatches when in fact you might be onto something very good.

2. Avoid Saturated Markets, But They May Not Be As Overcrowded As You Think.

George:

If you have an idea for a restaurant, then you’re screwed.  Barring that, most people close themselves to opportunities by glancing at the competition and thinking it’s too crowded outright.  They never take the time to sit down for a few hours and really research the competition – they might end up seeing a niche they can fit into.  Take the time to research and test the market.  There are many ways to test the market without investing too much money.  Restaurants are bad ideas because they require too much capital and have high overhead costs.

Me:

True, the neighborhood Thai restaurant we sat in was a struggling startup.  They were competing with the nearby Thai restaurants with lower prices, but the margins in restaurant businesses are really thin.  George did the math, and calculated that after their costs, their net profits (if any) were coming only out of the tips.  We tipped generously and wished them the best.

With one of my businesses that I started, I looked at the competition on Google searches, and realized there weren’t many competitors. This gave me the push to fire up a website. However, as I understood Google Adwords more a year later, I noticed that when I ran searches in Canada, only targeted Canadian ads were showing up.  When I did a search through a proxy in the US, I discovered that there was much more competition, but my site was already up and running and turning a decent profit.

Had I had known about the US competition beforehand, I probably wouldn’t have created the website.

On dry testing, Timothy Ferriss outlines some methods, particularly dry testing, in The 4-Hour Workweek.  George has his own methods, which I’ll share in a later post.

3.  Keep a List Of Ideas

George: Put your ideas on paper and list them.  Then implement them one by one.

Me: I use my phone instead, but I will literally stop everything to get a good idea down.  If I’m driving, I will pull over and type it in.  If I’m having sex, I will tell my partner to remember the idea so it doubles my chances of remembering it later.  This blog already has enough pre-written material to fill a book!

4. Take Action Because No One Else Is

George:  Most people talk.  Few will ever do.   Most people simply live their lives on autopilot.  The biggest problem for an entrepreneur is the lack of quality resources to implement an idea they have.

Me:  I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard someone come up with a great idea over a meal and have it end before dessert.  Anyone who takes action is bound to get a result, most likely a good one.  The concept of taking action is so personal and such a meaty topic to me, that I won’t start writing about it in this blog post or else it will become a long essay.

5. When The Competition Does Play, It’s OK And Can Be Good.

George:

Long ago, one of my competitors squatted on a domain I forgot to buy, and I panicked.  Eight years later, he’s still squatting on it, paying for the domain every year, and has done absolutely nothing with it.

Me:

With my dance business, the same thing happened.  I didn’t believe people would be so tricky, but lo and behold, the competition bought out the domain name for one of my products before I did and forwarded it to their website.  The result? I was forced to rename my product to something that was closer to their domain name and got better results.  More important than that, knowing that there was active competition forced me to raise the bar higher, to not stay comfortable, and to venture out into new territory.

As a result, I’m improving parts of my original DVDs to create a definitively solid product.  I’m also developing new product lines I never thought of before.  I have to thank the competition, because they’ve helped me to create a brand.

To people who have just met me, it might seem that everything I have done seems to have panned out.   I wanted to work for myself, and my first few business endeavours didn’t turn out so bad.   I wanted to paint, and most of my art has had some gallery time as well as been sold.   Same with photography.  I wanted to be a good rock climber, and I’m climbing at a pretty respectable level.   I wanted to be good with women, and my dating life is respectable right now, to say the least.   I wanted to be a good snowboarder, dancer, magician, white water kayaker, adventurer,  speak multiple languages, and so and and so forth.

Have I been lucky?

Not so much.  Along each thing that works out, there are a serious number of embarrassing failures and a lot of perserverance.   I’ve just gotten comfortable with embarrassing failures.

I have a number of shelved paintings that I feel are uninspired, even though I’ve spent countless hours on them.  I’ll probably throw them out soon once I accept that they are that bad.

Many of my creative endeavors were canned.  Even look at this website, for example, you can see on the sidebanner that I had a writing gap.  Risingbean.com had virtually no readership in the first year.  And right now, I feel the first few articles I wrote were not particularly well written.

I’m more than sure many of the women I’ve approached in the past thought I was creepy, awkward, or weird.   Honestly speaking, 9 out of 10 phone numbers I collected didn’t pan out beyond flirty text messages.  Even now, many numbers don’t work out.  It’s just part of the game.

When I started learning Latin dancing, most women in the clubs wouldn’t dance with me because I wasn’t a good enough leader.  Even today, some women don’t like dancing salsa with me because my style is unconventional (it’s heavily hip hop infused).

I’ve taken huge falls rock climbing, had snowboarding tricks go wrong and land bad, desperately pulled out of my kayak and gasped for air in bitterly cold Nepali rapids, been “busted” doing my magic tricks, offended many people accidentally, and have gotten lost all over the world.

So yes, it’s not without a lot of failure and perserverance that one gets a breakthrough.

And I’m not talking about just trying out something.  I’m talking about committing to learn a skill to a proficient level or have a true experience of something.

It’s easy to try out snowboarding and give up because it’s too painful ( tip for beginners: wear wrist guards, knee pads, and a butt pad on your first three days if you want to succeed).  Similarly, it’s easy to go snowboarding once a year but never learn to carve.   It’s easy to say “Hello”, “How much?”, “Where is the toilet?” and count to 10 in a language, but having a conversation, making friends, or flirting with the opposite sex in a foreign language is a whole new ballgame.

The same goes for anything you try – my point is that you need to commit and follow through consistently to get good at it.

How do we do this?

Castenada once wrote:

“Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him.”

Choose the path with heart.   Sometimes, like rock climbing, it’s new and exciting from the start.  Other times, like learning languages, it takes a while to see the results.  As long as the heart is there, once combined with grit and determination, you’ll get there while enjoying the journey.

The journey may involve some loss.  Many actors retire from high paying but monotonous TV or movie roles to pursue theatre again.   I’ve lost the approval of many people in the pursuit of my endeavours.   It’s all about the evolution of ourselves.

So get started.   Take your ego out of the picture.  Stop worrying about what other people will think.  Remove the distractions from your life.  Think abundance and opportunity.  Everyone is capable of making great achievements.

“Do or do not.  There is no try.”

- Yoda

Please read this if you’re suffering from a loss.  As I’m writing this, I’m feeling a little down and out from a loss right now.  Still, I feel  this moment is the best time to write since I can bridge space and time and give out empathy when I myself could use some comfort.

Firstly, feel better knowing that you are not alone. All of us go through cycles of despair, doubt, frustration, overwhelment, and insecurity.  I am writing this to you, so as I’ve  mentioned above, time is bridged for a connection.

Know that it will all get better in time.  It’s hard to believe, but if you look back on all the times you were down and out,  you eventually did move on.  It’s part of the human condition known as perserverance.  Remember that first breakup? If you’re a young reader and are nodding your head curious to read more, then just trust me, just give it some time  (and go out in the meantime!).

Use this time to strengthen yourself. There’s always a hidden lesson.  Don’t let problems, a bad dealing with someone, or a perceived betrayal harden you.  This is where you need to strengthen yourself by practicing universal love.  Give love when you feel like there’s nothing in you to give.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt.

If your business has gone sour, cherish your experiences, and realize you have an exciting new path ahead of you.  Opportunities come to those who open themselves to attracting them in, and those who see choices in all situations, particularly the challenging ones.  Most great things are born from a period of trial and error.

If a relationship has fallen apart – family, a business partnership, and particularly a romantic one – regardless of the circumstances or reasons, try to wish the other person the best in your heart (and mean it!).   This is what a part of unconditional love is.   It’s the best time to practice it.  You’ll thank yourself later, because instead of acquiring a jaded attitude to future relationships, you actually grow better.  Be grateful for the relationship.

If someone in your life has passed on, don’t let it translate into a fear of death.  Don’t dwell on the unfairness or the untimeliness of someone’s passing.  Embrace your mortality and realize you really need to live each day as if it were your last.  Allow things to be and don’t waste your energy in a state of resistance.

If you are physically incapacitated or suffer from some debilitating illness, recognize the body is only physical form.  Your mind is where your true power and energy lies.   The most brilliant people I’ve ever met have gone beyond their circumstances to make great achievements.  Those of us who are chronically “comfortable” actually have it the hardest – there is no drive other than to live out lives in mediocrity.

If you’re going through a job loss or are simply frustrated with work indifference, realize you have choice.  Believe it or not, you can choose a new path.  I did.  I spent 14 years in engineering before I decided to forge my way into the uncertain worlds of dancing and entrepreneurship.  You don’t need to wait so long.  Be brave.  Starting from the ground up can be exciting, not daunting.  If you’re free from employment, as Steve Jobs put it in his speech, it’s great to start all over as a beginner again.   If you’re not and want to live a little before the age of retirement (which doesn’t exist), start by trying a little something on the side today.

If you are overwhelmed and feel as if you have no time for yourself and you feel a loss of freedom, again, know that you have choice.  Spend that valuable time on finding ways to free your time.  Automate tasks.  Pay someone else to do it.   Don’t let principles stop you from saying no to getting outside help – whether it be business or within your household;  don’t let procrastination delay your freedom.

If your emotions are particularly strong at the moment, then embrace the feelings you have.  Observe them. If this concept seems unfamiliar, try to watch them like you’re an outside observer.  Let them be and they will settle.

In the space of time, we are but a mere blip in eternity (and even less than a blip, I would say).  The trials we have are experienced by generations over and over again, and right now, are experienced by perhaps hundreds of thousands of people in other parts of the world.  The earth is but an ordinary planet in the infinite cosmos.  Are our problems really that big in light of this?

I was chatting with a friend regarding how for most of us, once in a while when we see someone disabled, either physically or mentally, for a moment, we feel grateful for what we have.  Then, our day-to-day problems creep in, overwhelm us, and suddenly they seem bigger and more important than the end of the world.  Funny how that is.  Take notice of it.

So while you might be experiencing one of these problems (I know I am), someone else is experiencing another.  It’s important not to play the victim (if you have to sulk, give yourself a maximum time limit of a few days).  Then start asking yourself important questions such as: What is the opportunity here?  What can I learn here?

Instead of playing the victim, seriously answer those questions, and I promise you that your personal growth will skyrocket.   There is a balance in the universe.  With each seemingly negative experience, the positive outcome is there within it.  Personally, I wouldn’t trade any of my most challenging life problems for anything.

So, this is where I am right now.  There’s some sadness.  But I feel good that I’m sharing this moment with you, wherever you are, whenever it may be.

I’m spending some time as a guest at Stanford University right now, enjoying what the university offers and learning what I feel like without any academic pressure.  It’s pretty quiet here, and it seems like everyone is studying.  For me, it’s pretty relaxed, and I’m often drawn to riding around campus on an old ’72 Peugeot road bike I picked up at the local Goodwill.

Being at Stanford and all, I’m brought to remember Steve Jobs’ commencement speech here in 2005, which I often quote from.  Here’s another secret – I put it on my iPod and I must have listened to it at least 43.5 times over the past few years.   It has definitely pumped me in the direction of charting my own path.

I like most of the speech, but I’m a particular fan of “keep looking, don’t settle” (if you haven’t found what you love) with regards to all aspects of life.  It’s nothing new, but a great reminder.  A really great reminder.  It’s also nice hearing it from someone’s actual experiences, and Steve Jobs’ professional life has been very public.

Caring means sharing, so here’s a link to an edited version of the speech I made (right click to save), free of the pre-speech and the commentator remarks – perfect for listening to over and over and over again.

Click here for the full text of his speech.

Olga Moritz of of Full Circle Healing Arts posed these interesting questions after previewing my Sunscreen Song Tribute the night before the release.   I hesitated on answering the questions immediately, thinking interviews were something more akin to celebrities, but after a number of readers asked me similar questions, I thought I’d share it with everyone.

What was your intention with regard to your first 7-minute inspirational dance/video montage (videodancescape)?

I wanted to do something really free and fun, with the side effect of showing people what’s possible.  It’s crazy how it came together.  I really liked The “Sunscreen Song” (Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen), so I flirted with the idea of syncing some adventure clips to it while I was on the road last May.   The more I imagined it, the more it started to materialize.

At first, I jokingly filmed some silly scenes of myself goofing around in different landscapes.  Not long after, I found myself filming little dance scenes while thinking of the “Dance!” part of “The Sunscreen Song” while traveling.  And then, I really started filming specific scenes when I drove across the country in October.  It really came together in December when I was editing.  As I reviewed unwatched travel footage, many random scenes just popped up and inadvertently fit the song.  I have an article lined up on the power of intention in relation to that.

I also didn’t remember what the original video for the song looked like.  I didn’t watch it so that I would come up with something entirely original and based on my own experiences.   By the way, I love that word -  videodancescape.  It’s very image provoking.  It actually gives me an idea, which I’m writing down right now.

How much fun was it to be in total creative control of the piece?

Amazing.  When I look back at the freedom to work on something that has no commercial purpose, I can understand why actors leave high paying TV contracts to return to the theatre.  Prior to the video, creatively, I felt I was at a standstill.    One of the many coats I wear that few people know about is that I’m also a fine artist.  However, recently, I’ve had many unfinished and uninspired paintings and felt my creativity was at a standstill.

But with The Sunscreen Song Tribute, I felt a renewed vigor and realized I just needed a new outlet.  It was my first creative video project (I have no film-school training), but I rapidly finished all major editing in 4 days with very little sleep.  It was sheer joy.

“Do everything with your body.”  How does this statement impact mind?

The body, our senses, is a path to getting acquainted with our minds.   When I’m rock climbing, dancing, or doing yoga, I don’t think about much else.  I’m either focused on my movements or enjoying the moment.  I’ve learned that by taking that focus and awareness of one’s body to daily activities, even with something simple as washing the dishes, or my favorite, mending my clothes, it helps elevate everything one does.

I’m thinking of an entertaining quotation from Fight Club: 

“ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel’s life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.”

Do you have any fears left in you?

Absolutely.  That’s the story of my life and this blog – living with uncertainty and fear.   It’s all about managing these “fake fears” and more importantly, courage.  For example, I still have plenty of moments of hesitation approaching attractive women in public.  I also know from experience that I when I miss an opportunity, I hate banging my head against the wall later thinking “what if, would have, should have” even more, so that definitely helps me act more.

I also have a fear of confrontation.  Well actually, it’s more like I have a low tolerance for conflict and drama.   For example, I remember last week I had a less-than-stellar dispute at a business I frequent.  Although I calmly cited past, objective experiences and knew I was correct, the new manager was abrupt and grew more hardened in her position as I recalled past experiences.  Rather than create unnecessary  drama, I accepted the situation, took it up with the head office the next day, and everything was promptly resolved.  In disputes or negotiations, I recommend sticking with facts and leaving out emotions as much as possible.

Name two things that would scare the pants off you?

Well, I’ve learned that mental fears are really just that, so although they may make my heart race a bit, they won’t scare the pants off of me.

However, the last time I really got spooked, I was on the final pitch of a 15-pitch climb in Mexico.  The final pitch rounded a corner to a difficult and windy sheer face with a 1500 foot drop – I was really nervous climbing that final stretch.    The view from the top anchor station is actually on The Sunscreen Song Tribute at the part where Baz Luhrmann quips “your choices are half chance…”

In light of that, what would scare the pants off of me would be doing something crazy adventurous on a sheer rock face in combination with rock climbing.  Off the top of my head, two such activities would be BASE jumping and slacklining (see below video).

What’s the most important thing in life according to you?

This one’s evolved quite a lot, and still evolving as I re-define my perspective of life.  When I was younger, I felt family values were really important.  Then, I noticed that not everyone is given a great family or even has one for that matter.  I also came to realize that although family is great to have, it is not one’s sole purpose in life.  I plan on writing more about this meaty topic later.

Then, I remember I used to feel strongly about personal values such as honesty and integrity, but the other day, I tweeted this thought:

“Don’t concern yourself with what other people should or shouldn’t be, even if you intentions are noble“.

It’s just that in this vast world, and all the people I’ve seen and met in their simple and complex life situations, I can’t really judge them because their life circumstances could be  so different from mine, even though honesty and integrity are great characteristics to have.

As for what I think is important now,  though I can’t say it’s the most important, I would say from a spiritual context, it’s centering of oneself.  For readers new to this concept, it roughly means not occupying your mind with stress, worry, anxiety, resentment, and other negative states.  This topic can get pretty involved, but if it piques your interest, I highly recommend reading Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power Of Now.

On the same topic of change, another reader recently asked me about my purpose for traveling.   That’s evolved too – I used to travel to see a lot of places and open up my mind, then I changed it to having serious adventures abroad because I was tired of just looking at places.  Now,  I mostly want to live and experience different cultures at a slow pace.

Talk about your upcoming projects.

While filming The Sunscreen Song Tribute, I actually concurrently filmed videos for more inspirational videos I plan on slowly releasing in the future.  I also have to get more footage on the road while I continue piecing together my creative vision for these projects.  I’m hitting the road tomorrow actually.

In addition, I’ve filmed the required footage for many of my upcoming dance DVD’s, but I’m a real perfectionist, so I often find myself re-shooting scenes and going out to clubs to get more stock footage while creating my Club Dance Style.  It’s pretty hard getting dance footage in night clubs, but it’s important as it really shows that I walk my talk (or rather, dance it).  Night clubs don’t like video cameras, but these days, video cameras are so small and versatile that soon a phone will suffice!

Other than that, I’m seriously spending a lot of time editing these days, even though I may be abroad.  To keep editing from completely draining me, I plan on interspersing creative, inspirational videos with DVD releases.  Stay tuned!